Monday, May 9, 2011

5 Things Moms Cannot Do

Yes, yes . . . Mother’s Day 2011 has passed. I know all those other Really Good Bloggers Who Are On Top Of Things posted something yesterday, or even last week in anticipation of Mother’s Day (show offs). 
But this is not like those other blogs, and I spent all day yesterday with a Julia-shaped tail, so give me a break.
Certain things simply cannot be done once you become a Mommy. At least for this Mommy . . . so if you manage to pull this off I’d love to hear about it.
1. Mommies cannot go into the bathroom alone. Because everyone needs company when they pee. The more the merrier is what I always say. And forget taking an undisturbed shower lasting more than three minutes and involving both soap and shampoo. Clearly my kids think I smell fine as is
2. Mommies cannot go off duty. Even when I try really hard to secure some “off duty” time, it inevitably ends in an epic fail. Yesterday I woke up at 5:30 and snuck into the living room to enjoy some early morning peace and coffee and writing time. By 5:32 my three-year-old joined me. Sigh.
3. Mommies cannot forget anything, including but not limited to shoe sizes for everyone, medicine dosages in milliliters for each child, birthdays and anniversaries of all extended family members, where every Lego in the whole @#$% house currently resides, and which Wiggle is which color.
4. Mommies cannot suffer from selective night deafness. (The baby was up how many times? I didn’t hear thing!) In fact, it’s the exact opposite: lights go down and Mom Radar is expected to be on and ready. 
5. Mommies cannot leave the house for any outing without first packing enough to justify a personal sherpa and accounting for contingency plans A through G. And, of course, making sure everyone has used the potty (probably as a group . . . see #1).
I think I actually had more than five, but since I also can’t do anything without being interrupted every few seconds, including concentrate long enough to compose more items for this list, I’ll stop here.
A belated Happy Mommy Day to all!
Baby E
Baby J
A at 4 weeks

3 comments :

  1. Selective night deafness is a man's disease. I think every father on the planet suffers (enjoys maybe?) this affliction. How do they do it??

    Jessica G

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  2. Mine blames the Navy . . . sleeping on ships and having to learn to block everything out.
    Although in our case, breastfeeding and co-sleeping means there's nothing he can do 99% of the time anyhow.
    Do dad's of bottle-feeders have also have this "affliction"? Hmm . . .

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  3. I breastfed and pumped additional bottles so hubby could help with an occasional feeding...and even when I stopped breastfeeding...well it is a man disease! I agree with your top 5 and yes there are so many more....wait til all 3 are in school and you are expected to know every child's name in the school and the grade/teacher they are in/have

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