Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma

Welcome to the "I'm a Natural Parent - BUT..." Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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About a year ago I wrote a post outlining my thoughts on some natural parenting "litmus tests" and where I fall on the crunchy spectrum. After another year of blogging, reading, thinking, and learning, I'd like to review my list (and make a few additions).

Agent E holding five-day-old Agent A

In regards to giving birth, I am very much a fan of modern medicine, including pain relief. This may be hard to believe, but not everyone who reads and researches all things baby during their pregnancy comes to the conclusion that drug-free, intervention-free, or homebirth is the way to go. I have had two inductions (E early due to complications and A scheduled) and one unintentionally natural, fast birth (like almost-birthing-J-in-the-waiting-room fast). My best birth experience—by far—was my planned induction (epidural in place before beginning) with my son. I have written in more detail about each of my three birth experiences and invite you to read that post as well. If there were to be more Agents (um, there will not be) I would strongly consider being induced again.

Have I lost you yet? Should I just turn in my NPC (Natural Parent Card) now? Read on.

Only one of our children is a boy, and he is intact. I didn’t really feel too strongly about circumcision one way or the other, but after doing some reading while I was pregnant (even before I learned I was growing a prince) I couldn’t come up with a compelling reason to have it done. And then once I saw my son there was no way I was handing him over to someone to have a piece of him cut off. I often say I'm so glad the girls came along first, because early in my parenting journey this wasn't even on my radar.

I breastfed all three children, including part of two pregnancies and a year of tandem time. I have written quite a bit on the influence of breastfeeding on my mothering. Agent E and Agent J nursed until ages three and two, respectively (something I was never going to do). My littlest Agent is "still" nursing; I'm hoping he will want to continue until at least age two (preferably a little longer since his birthday is at the height of cold and flu season).

When my first baby turned exactly six months old, I dutifully spooned pasty rice cereal into her unwilling mouth. She never showed much interest in food until about 14 months. My second started shoving food into her own mouth at 5.5 months, but ultimately we still went the "traditional" baby food way with her. With my third, I discovered the awesomeness of baby led weaning. Here is a post about our first attempt. Agent A never ate jarred baby food or purees. We only spoon feed foods like yogurt and applesauce; everything else he picks up and puts into his own mouth. At one, his favorites dinners include margherita pizza, chicken curry, and turkey meatloaf.

A while back I decided I wanted to eliminate dyes from our diet; however, I kind of failed at this. We are trying to get back on track now. We don't make a big deal about food; we aim for reasonably healthy most of the time, eat when we're hungry and stop when we're full, and never force anyone to try "just one bite" of something. We go out for fast food once a week and we don't purposely shop for organic. One of my children is a vegetarian (I think) so I may need to learn to be a little more creative with my cooking. 

I purchased cloth diapers prior to my first birth, and am now diapering Baby #3 with them, so quite a good investment for our family. We don’t use them exclusively; we use disposables for travel and night-time and often even short everyday trips because it’s less for me to carry. I would estimate we use cloth diapers at least 75-80% of the time. Also, I honestly have no idea why it took me until my third child was a few months old to learn just how easy cloth baby wipes are! I make a simple solution of water, a few drops of baby oil, and a squirt of baby wash. I don't even measure anything. Easy peasy! Agent E learned the potty quickly and with minimal effort on my part at about age 2.5. Agent J . . . well, that's a whole other post. No expectations for Agent A at this point. The idea of EC never even occurred to us.

Sleepy Agents J and A

We co-sleep every night; we actually have three (yes; three) queen-size beds in our master bedroom: one on a frame and two on the floor. Nighttime often turns into a game of musical sleeping spots if one of the girls isn’t feeling well, has a bad dream, needs water, or just wants Mommy. I frequently almost always fall asleep on Andrew's bed when I move down to nurse him. And sometimes we all wake up on the same bed like a big pile of meerkats. Have never and will never use CIO; it doesn’t sit well with me for so many reasons.

As a general rule we practice mostly gentle discipline. I wish I had more patience in dealing with the everyday insanity that is taking care of three kids five and under. I often need to channel my inner Dr. Sears. One thing we are very consistent with is no spanking; I think it sends so many mixed messages and truly believe it does more harm than not. Sometimes I do things I regret, like yell too much raise my voice with my little darlings. Often I need to take my own advice and chill out a bit.

We don't do sitters very often, because I hate leaving my babies (especially at night). Oh, and I don't do moms' night out. I'm not opposed to leaving them with a trusted caregiver during the day, and I do this regularly when Hubby is out to sea. The Senior Agents also throughly enjoyed spending time in the "kids' club" on our last cruise. In general, though, I am with them the majority of the time and I'm good with that.

If you are thinking she doesn't sound so bad, I can practically hear her crunching from here, this is the part where I might lose you.

One topic more than any other makes me feel like I am definitely not a fruit of the organically grown natural parenting tree. All three children receive vaccinations on the recommended schedule without fear of side effects. We even get annual flu shots. Yes, I read all the same articles, too, and I can discern which ones to take seriously and which ones are tabloid-ish in their sensationalism. But what it comes down to is this: Even assuming the claims are true, I am willing to take the calculated risk. I don't doubt vaccine injuries are real. And I know when something happens to your child it's personal. I would presume parents of children who have become seriously ill or died from a vaccine-preventable illness feel the same way. (My grandparents lost their first child to a disease practically unheard of in the United States today. No parents should have to bury their three-month-old.) To paraphrase my friend Heather, the mere fact that we are able to have this conversation illustrates just how ridiculously privileged we are. (At least I think it was her. Hmm. It sounds like something she would say.)

I did not babywear with Agents E or J. Before Agent A was born, I bought a Moby wrap. I heard so many wonderful things about it, and I know many women simply love them, but . . . it didn't work for us. Actually, when he was tiny I preferred to just hold him. I used it a grand total of maybe six times, for fewer than 30 minutes most of those. And now he is 15 months, and there's no way we're starting over with a new sling; he just walks or I carry him or (gasp!) we use a stroller. (I'm convinced that parents who are anti-stroller never had to get three kids anywhere by themselves. And they never parented Julia.) Anyway, I'm thinking of passing along my (practically new, very gently used) Moby to a reader who can make use of it. Stay tuned.

I wanted for a while now to do away with chemical cleaners, but I have a long way to go. We use some Seventh Generation products, but I know if I just got my act together I could clean the entire house with nothing more than a bottle of vinegar, a box of baking soda, and a lemon. I use commercial laundry detergent. (And with five people in our family, we use a lot of it.)

The Agents watch television (mostly DVDs of Disney and PBS shows or Pixar movies), and I do not think this is evil. And because Agent A is usually in the same room as the girls when they are watching, he may be, say, a wee bit familiar with the Dora the Explorer theme song. It's never really been an issue for us . . . we watch when we're interested, turn it off when we aren't, and do a multitude of other activities. Can I share a peeve here? Folks that limit screen time by offering a reward of—you guessed it—screen time. Don't get me started.

Agent E plays computer games at least once a day. I did not introduce her to the computer until she was 5.5, and we don't have fancy phones or anything with "apps" that she plays with. Mostly she putters around on PBS Kids. At first I fretted over limiting her computer time, but I quickly realized that if I didn't say anything and let her figure it out herself she stopped when she was ready and moved onto something else quite easily. Like TV, it's not a battle, so I'm not going to make it into one.

Agent J about to get really messy

We homeschool. This is something I never pictured us doing. But it's working. We are going down an Agent-led path for now. You can read more about our homeschooling journey here.

I don't know, that homeschooling save may have redeemed me. Whew.

Did I miss anything? And what does this all mean? 

It means I hesitate to call myself a natural parent, although I am on board with a lot of what most folks consider natural parenting to be. It means I joke about being quasi-crunchy but really I feel like an outsider. It means that I know what it's like to be part of the cool crowd with the NP community on issues like breastfeeding and co-sleeping, and then treated like an outcast by the same community because I vaccinate and love McDonalds' fries. It means I participate in carnivals like this, but I always expect at least a little judgment. It means I think I still think I have interesting things to say. It means I will keep writing and sharing and learning.

And I hope you will, too.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
• I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
• I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
• Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
• Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
• Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
• 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
• I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
• Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
• My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
• I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
• I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
• I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
• Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
• I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
• I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
• Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
• I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
• I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
• I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
• Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
• How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
• I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
• Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
• The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
• Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
• I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
• I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
• I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
• Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
• Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
• Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
• Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
• We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
• Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
• Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
• Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things