4 Things No One Tells You About Parenting

In honor of Mother's Day being celebrated this weekend, a few parenting truths you just don't know until you know.

The idea of combining errands to "save time" becomes laughable 

Remember when it made perfect sense (and saved gas!) to make all the stops on your to do list in one trip? The new reality is that getting everyone in/out of the car more than twice in one outing qualifies you for the parenting olympics. Keeping control of your sanity while corralling your band of small dictators through more than two destinations in the same morning earns you a gold medal. Our maximum is two events in any given venture, a third only if it doesn't involve getting everyone out of the car (e.g., gas station, drive thru).

People like to comment on your children

I don't mean the inevitable parenting advice from childless strangers, although that's always barrel-of-monkeys fun, too. I mean that every. single. trip. to the commissary will involve someone asking if your kids in the cart are for sale. (My favorite response to this: Not right now, but ask me again at 8:00 p.m.) And heaven help you when some well-meaning person tells you that your offspring are well-behaved. That, folks, is a sure ticket to Insanity Alley at some point in the next few hours.
My three loves, in their element

You take every emotional story about kids personally

You will constantly think that could be my kid. Tragedies on the news tug at you harder. Commercials will make you cry. Reading a story online will have the ability to reduce you to mush. Anything dealing with children—positive or negative, happy or sad—will affect you on some inexplicable, visceral level.

Words will come out of your mouth that you never dreamed possible. 

Don't eat that crayon; I just brushed your teeth. 
Get out of the bidet; it's not a water fountain. 
Everyone help clean up. Start by eating these Cheerios on the floor. 
No one is allowed to touch anyone else's butt. It's a rule.
Don't lick your siblings. That's also a rule.
Yes, you have to wear underwear.

18 comments:

  1. I absolutely loved this post! The funniest part that made me laugh out loud was when you said to your child, "Don't eat that crayon, I just brushed your teeth." OMG! Haven't we all said something where you think back and start laughing. I'm also with you with regard to combining errands...after the 2nd stop, you're right...it turns into something else :-)

    Thanks for sharing this...have a Happy Mother's Day!

    Danielle
    Follow: @DanielleASB
    Blog: ChatterOutLoud.com

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Danielle. Yeah, I like the *idea* of getting errands out of the way all at once, but realistically the only way I can handle three or more stops is if I have back-up (i.e., Hubby) with us.

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  2. I love the whole list of things we never thought we would say or need to say to our kids. Sometimes I just have to stop and laugh at what just came out of my mouth.
    Thanks for the funny post.
    KC

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    1. Thanks for visiting. I think I need to write these things down more often. I know there's more classic stuff I just can't remember.

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  3. Hilarious! I never thought about it but number 1 is very true. I only have 1 and it is already true!

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    1. Yep. Getting out and about and being "productive" just doesn't mean what it used to. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. LOL! I love the things that come out of our mouths as parents. I've been known to have my kiddo clean up the floor by eating the cheerios off it too...just don't tell anyone.

    What about talking in third person? I always refer to myself as Mommy to my 2 year old and never "I". I never thought about it. It just happened. It is programmed into us once we become parents???

    Have a great mothers day!

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    1. I think I do that a lot, too (the third person thing) and I don't have any idea why. Where does that come from?

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  5. Love it! #1 is so, so true. I go into panic mode when I have scheduled too many errands in one day, for I already know how it is going to turn out. My two have finally reached the booster seat stage, so at least I don't have to deal with car seats anymore...but still!
    Thanks for the giggle!

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    1. I have two in boosters and one in a regular car seat. Problem is, three seats are pretty tight across the back, so the girls can't buckle their own seatbelts anyway. So I'm still putting everyone in the car!

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  6. ohmigosh, yes, to the "you have to wear underwear" comment. There was a stretch where I had to remind my son on an almost daily basis that he needed to wear underwear outside of the house because he seemed to "forget." Hilarious post.

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    1. What is it with kids and underwear? Are they that uncomfortable? Really?

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  7. I love #5. I swear, I have said some things that I never dreamt that I would say! I mean, really.

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    1. I know I've said worse. I just can't remember them all, and of course I never think to write them down until it's too late!

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  8. Haha! I love the list at the end. The one of cheerios is too funny!!

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    1. I need to do another post of complete conversations. Some of the discussions I have had with the Agents lately *need* to be recorded somewhere.

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  9. Almost died laughing at the last one! The Rock Star voice over is definitely me! Thanks for sharing! Hope to see you at True Aim.

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