Momma in Progress

Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma

2012-02-26T00:05:00.000+01:00

Welcome to the "I'm a Natural Parent - BUT..." Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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About a year ago I wrote a post outlining my thoughts on some natural parenting "litmus tests" and where I fall on the crunchy spectrum. After another year of blogging, reading, thinking, and learning, I'd like to review my list (and make a few additions).

Agent E holding five-day-old Agent A

In regards to giving birth, I am very much a fan of modern medicine, including pain relief. This may be hard to believe, but not everyone who reads and researches all things baby during their pregnancy comes to the conclusion that drug-free, intervention-free, or homebirth is the way to go. I have had two inductions (E early due to complications and A scheduled) and one unintentionally natural, fast birth (like almost-birthing-J-in-the-waiting-room fast). My best birth experience—by far—was my planned induction (epidural in place before beginning) with my son. I have written in more detail about each of my three birth experiences and invite you to read that post as well. If there were to be more Agents (um, there will not be) I would strongly consider being induced again.

Have I lost you yet? Should I just turn in my NPC (Natural Parent Card) now? Read on.

Only one of our children is a boy, and he is intact. I didn’t really feel too strongly about circumcision one way or the other, but after doing some reading while I was pregnant (even before I learned I was growing a prince) I couldn’t come up with a compelling reason to have it done. And then once I saw my son there was no way I was handing him over to someone to have a piece of him cut off. I often say I'm so glad the girls came along first, because early in my parenting journey this wasn't even on my radar.

I breastfed all three children, including part of two pregnancies and a year of tandem time. I have written quite a bit on the influence of breastfeeding on my mothering. Agent E and Agent J nursed until ages three and two, respectively (something I was never going to do). My littlest Agent is "still" nursing; I'm hoping he will want to continue until at least age two (preferably a little longer since his birthday is at the height of cold and flu season).

When my first baby turned exactly six months old, I dutifully spooned pasty rice cereal into her unwilling mouth. She never showed much interest in food until about 14 months. My second started shoving food into her own mouth at 5.5 months, but ultimately we still went the "traditional" baby food way with her. With my third, I discovered the awesomeness of baby led weaning. Here is a post about our first attempt. Agent A never ate jarred baby food or purees. We only spoon feed foods like yogurt and applesauce; everything else he picks up and puts into his own mouth. At one, his favorites dinners include margherita pizza, chicken curry, and turkey meatloaf.

A while back I decided I wanted to eliminate dyes from our diet; however, I kind of failed at this. We are trying to get back on track now. We don't make a big deal about food; we aim for reasonably healthy most of the time, eat when we're hungry and stop when we're full, and never force anyone to try "just one bite" of something. We go out for fast food once a week and we don't purposely shop for organic. One of my children is a vegetarian (I think) so I'm learning to be a little more creative with my cooking.

I purchased cloth diapers prior to my first birth, and am now diapering Baby #3 with them, so quite a good investment for our family. We don’t use them exclusively; we use disposables for travel and night-time and often even short everyday trips because it’s less for me to carry. I would estimate we use cloth diapers at least 75-80% of the time. Also, I honestly have no idea why it took me until my third child was a few months old to learn just how easy cloth baby wipes are! I make a simple solution of water, a few drops of baby oil, and a squirt of baby wash. I don't even measure anything. Easy peasy! Agent E learned the potty quickly and with minimal effort on my part at about age 2.5. Agent J . . . well, that's a whole other post. No expectations for Agent A at this point, but we are pretty much on board with letting potty "training" be child-led. The idea of EC never even occurred to us.

Sleepy Agents J and A

We co-sleep every night; we actually have three (yes; three) queen-size beds in our master bedroom: one on a frame and two on the floor. Nighttime often turns into a game of musical sleeping spots if one of the girls isn’t feeling well, has a bad dream, needs water, or just wants Mommy. I ~~frequently~~ almost always fall asleep on Andrew's bed when I move down to nurse him. And sometimes we all wake up on the same bed like a big pile of meerkats. Have never and will never use CIO; it doesn’t sit well with me for so many reasons.

As a general rule we practice mostly gentle discipline. I wish I had more patience in dealing with the everyday insanity that is taking care of three kids five and under. I often need to channel my inner Dr. Sears. One thing we are very consistent with is no spanking; I think it sends so many mixed messages and truly believe it does more harm than not. Sometimes I do things I regret, like yell too much raise my voice with my little darlings. Often I need to take my own advice and chill out a bit.

We don't do sitters very often, because I hate leaving my babies (especially at night). Oh, and I don't do moms' night out. I'm not opposed to leaving them with a trusted caregiver during the day, and I do this regularly when Hubby is out to sea. The Senior Agents also throughly enjoyed spending time in the "kids' club" on our last cruise. In general, though, I am with them the majority of the time and I'm good with that.

If you are thinking she doesn't sound so bad, I can practically hear her crunching from here, this is the part where I might lose you.

One topic more than any other makes me feel like I am definitely not a fruit of the organically grown natural parenting tree. All three children receive vaccinations on the recommended schedule without fear of side effects. We even get annual flu shots. Yes, I read all the same articles, too, and I can discern which ones to take seriously and which ones are tabloid-ish in their sensationalism. But what it comes down to is this: Even assuming the claims are true, I am willing to take the calculated risk. I don't doubt vaccine injuries are real. And I know when something happens to your child it's personal. I would presume parents of children who have become seriously ill or died from a vaccine-preventable illness feel the same way. (My grandparents lost their first child to a disease practically unheard of in the United States today. No parents should have to bury their three-month-old.) To paraphrase my friend Heather, the mere fact that we are able to have this conversation illustrates just how ridiculously privileged we are. (At least I think it was her. Hmm. It sounds like something she would say.)

I did not babywear with Agents E or J. Before Agent A was born, I bought a Moby wrap. I heard so many wonderful things about it, and I know many women simply love them, but . . . it didn't work for us. Actually, when he was tiny I preferred to just hold him. I used it a grand total of maybe six times, for fewer than 30 minutes most of those. And now he is 15 months, and there's no way we're starting over with a new sling; he just walks or I carry him or (gasp!) we use a stroller. (I'm convinced that parents who are anti-stroller never had to get three kids anywhere by themselves. And they never parented Julia.) Anyway, I'm thinking of passing along my (practically new, very gently used) Moby to a reader who can make use of it. Stay tuned.

I wanted for a while now to do away with chemical cleaners, but I have a long way to go. We use some Seventh Generation products, but I know if I just got my act together I could clean the entire house with nothing more than a bottle of vinegar, a box of baking soda, and a lemon. I use commercial laundry detergent. (And with five people in our family, we use a lot of it.)

The Agents watch television (mostly DVDs of Disney and PBS shows or Pixar movies), and I do not think this is evil. And because Agent A is usually in the same room as the girls when they are watching, he may be, say, a wee bit familiar with the Dora the Explorer theme song. It's never really been an issue for us . . . we watch when we're interested, turn it off when we aren't, and do a multitude of other activities. Can I share a peeve here? Folks that limit screen time by offering a reward of—you guessed it—screen time. Don't get me started.

Agent E plays computer games once a day. I did not introduce her to the computer until she was 5.5, and we don't have fancy phones or anything with "apps" that she plays with. Mostly she putters around on PBS Kids. At first I fretted over limiting her computer time, but I quickly realized that if I didn't say anything and let her figure it out herself she stopped when she was ready and moved onto something else quite easily. Like TV, it's not a battle, so I'm not going to make it into one.

Agent J about to get really messy

We homeschool. This is something I never pictured us doing. But it's working. We are going down an Agent-led path for now. You can read more about our homeschooling journey here.

I don't know, that homeschooling save may have redeemed me. Whew.

Did I miss anything? And what does this all mean?

It means I hesitate to call myself a natural parent, although I am on board with a lot of what most folks consider natural parenting to be. It means I joke about being quasi-crunchy but really I feel like an outsider. It means that I know what it's like to be part of the cool crowd with the NP community on issues like breastfeeding and co-sleeping, and then treated like an outcast by the same community because I vaccinate and love McDonalds' fries. It means I participate in carnivals like this, but I always expect at least a little judgment. It means I think I still think I have interesting things to say. It means I will keep writing and sharing and learning.

And I hope you will, too.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things

My Early Morning Shadow

2012-02-24T08:26:00.000+01:00

Welcome to February edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month, participants have looked into the topic of “Fostering Healthy Attachment”. Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy!

My parenting style was pretty, um, unrefined, when my first baby, sweet Agent E, came along. Breastfeeding and sleep baffled me the most. In the early days, I remember thinking she can’t possibly want to nurse again. Again! Seriously, didn’t I just feed her? The second she dozed off (or stopped eating, or stopped crying) I made a beeline for the bassinet. I put her down. She protested. What was I doing wrong? Weren’t infants supposed to just lie there quietly, either sleeping or cooing at the ceiling, unless you were tending to their immediate needs?

Happy (and chubby, and bald)
4-month-old Agent E

Then I discovered Something Very Important: The goal is not to put the baby down. The goal, as it turns out, is to know your baby. Once I accepted this little epiphany my mothering became much more intuitive and relaxed. (And lucky for her two siblings, Momma had way more reasonable expectations by the time they came along.)

As E grew I became more interested in attachment parenting and developing a secure connection with her. And today I still have the same goal: to know my child.

Following are some ways we incorporate AP principles into life with an almost-six-year-old.

When we offer healthy meals and snacks, trust her assessment of when she is hungry and when she is full, never force "one bite" of something, do not make certain foods forbidden, and treat food as energy for our bodies instead of a battleground, we feed with love and respect.

When we strive to understand the reasons (and potential unmet needs) behind undesirable behavior, make an effort to include her in decisions that affect her, and encourage her to direct her own play and learning, we respond with sensitivity.

When we sit side-by-side on the couch with a good book (or a good movie and a bowl of popcorn), dance together in the middle of the living room just because, and reconnect every morning and evening with snuggle time, we use nurturing touch.

Agent E today

When we honor her sensitive nature when it comes to remembering dreams (good and bad), understand there will be times she needs reassurance (even at "inconvenient" times), and accept the fact that my little 6:00 a.m. shadow may just be an early riser like her mother, we ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally.

When we respect her readiness for separation, allow for an adjustment period when entering a new situation away from mom and dad, and let her needs and maturity guide how much independence she is prepared to handle, we provide consistent and loving care.

When we demonstrate instead of demand, avoid punitive consequences, and teach not train, we practice positive discipline.

What are some ways you connect with an older child?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Visit Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:(This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 24 with all the carnival links.)

"Keep Them Close and Let Them Go: Fostering Healthy Attachment As They Grow" — Helen at Zen Mummy wonders how to maintain a healthy attachment as our children become more independent.
"Honesty (With Your Children) is the Best Policy" — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children shares how honesty with her children is helping to build an authentic relationship which will last through the teen years and beyond.
"Fostering Healthy Attachment?" — Momma Jorje discusses how she is building a foundation of attachment with her children and how she hopes it serves them in their lives as they grow into adults.
Beyond Bookend Parenting — Marisa at Deliberate Parenting describes their efforts to maintain their toddler's attachment to her working parent through play and routines throughout the day.
Have You "Huggled" Today? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how "huggles" work like magic in her home.
Your Childhood=Your Child's Childhood? — Amy at A Secure Base examines the research about how our attachment experience can shape our attachment with our children.
List-Making Activities to Celebrate Family Connections — Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares some family list-making activities that will help you reflect on what you love about your family and can spark ideas for future family fun.

How To Keep in Touch With Distant Grandparents — Lauren at Hobo Mama offers several tips to foster connection with relatives who live far away.
Beyond Bonding: The Power of Positioning in Babywearing — Steffany, a babywearing educator, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, explains how optimal positioning in quality carriers can help babies' physical growth, brain development, and overall attachment.
Playing Follow the Leader — Zoie at TouchstoneZ has learned that the more she meets her children where they are rather than where she would like them to be, the greater the elasticity of their bonds are.
The Evolution of Attachment: Parenting Without a Roadmap — Sheila at A Living Family reflects on her family's recent generation of mothers and shares how she is working to make an evolutionary leap towards forming healthy attachment.
Facilitating Sibling Connection — Laura at Authentic Parenting gives a set of pointers on how to facilitate sibling bonding.
The Farm in my Bed — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses fostering children's healthy attachment to "lovies" and comfort objects..
My Early Morning Shadow - Valerie at Momma in Progress shares a few ways she maintains a strong connection with her almost-six-year-old daughter.

7 Quick Takes Friday (23)

2012-02-24T07:55:00.000+01:00

Welcome to 7 Quick Takes Friday, being hosted once again by Jennifer at Conversion Diary. Be sure to check out her post and read some of the other bloggers linked there.

1. This week I wrote more advice to my former self, this time a letter to myself while pregnant for the first time. I previously mused to my former teenage self as well as my new mom self.

2. Been pretty-ing up the blog a bit . . . turned it purple (Agent E's favorite color), updated some labels/categories, created a new About Me, moved the Blogs I Love to a tab (so I could list more of them), and added some fancy heart buttons. Also working right now to add a tab of my favorite online resources. Of course what this means is I have been doing more puttering and less writing.

3. I've decided I'm going to make an effort to understand Twitter. I have an account but I never use it. (I have my Facebook statuses set up to automatically post there, though, so it looks like I do. Maybe? Any tips for a totally clueless tweeter?

4. On a related note, I just blocked someone from my Twitter account because I had about 20 (no kidding) tweets/retweets from this person (someone I don't even know personally) in less than two hours. So, not only is/was she totally overtaking my homepage, she was reposting c-r-a-p from people I don't care about saying things I don't have any desire to know. Okay, on second thought maybe I don't want to make an effort to understand this better.

Agent J "helping" Agent A with lunch

5. Still reading Psalms. Actually, I read about one third of Psalms, then read all of Revelation, and now I'm back to Psalms. In the past year or so that I've been reading the Bible every morning I've made my way through the entire New Testament and about 15-16 books of the Old Testament (most of these the shorter, minor prophets toward the end of the OT). I only read a chapter or two at a time and re-read/highlight/contemplate a lot so I don't move through the text very fast.

6. I'm also reading A Year With Jesus, a daily devotional that I reviewed for BookSneeze last month. (If you are a blogger, this is a really cool program. Check it out here.)

7. It's been a few days since it last rained, so the playground should be dry, and it's finally warm, so we will definitely be heading out on our Friday park/library/lunch adventure today. Assuming I can get all three Agents and myself dressed and ready and out the door. Sometimes it seems we spend more time preparing to leave than we do out and about.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

A Letter To My Preggo Self

2012-02-23T08:00:00.000+01:00

Today I'd like to share some wisdom with my first-time pregnant, anticipating the birth of Agent E, confused, overwhelmed self. Click on over to Connected Mom to read a few things I think it would have been nice to know in advance.

Four Ways To Share Your Parenting Philosophy Gently

2012-02-14T06:25:00.000+01:00

Welcome to the February 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Respectful Interactions with Other Parents
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have focused on how we can communicate with other parents compassionately.

This is not the first time I've written about being nice. It's a key part of my writing goals for 2012. I even published a little piece just a few weeks ago wondering why we can't all get along better.

My goal here is to build on those posts further and present a few ideas for communicating with fellow parents in a positive, peaceful manner. Following are four things I consider when conversing about parenting, whether that be in person, online, with a friend, or with a random stranger.

Share information, not an agenda. I try really hard not to fall into the trap of, "If only you knew more, you'd agree with me!" Information is good. Knowledge is good. But sometimes enough is enough. Not everyone will have an epiphany when presented with my logical and compelling argument, and that's okay.

Focus on the positive. Take the high road. It's typically not worth getting into a negative, spiraling debate over anything. Instead, I calmly (okay, usually) state what positive practice works in our family, and let that speak for itself without getting drawn into the defensiveness. Many folks simply expend too much energy getting riled up.

Be gentle with your words

Remember the audience. It's so easy to preach to the choir. They nod along and share your posts. But what about everyone else? Is my tone kind? Could it be interpreted as condescending instead of helpful? Have I skimmed over thoughts/details because I am so used to communicating with likeminded individuals on the same page?

Everything in moderation. When I read or hear something that goes too far in one direction or comes across as too extreme, I tune it out. I'm guessing other parents do, too. With rare exception, few practices are all bad (or all good). Even theories/ideas I completely disagree with make a valid point sometimes. A little common ground can go a long way.

What about you? How do you peacefully share information with others? Leave a comment and share your tips.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 14 with all the carnival links.)

How to Respond Respectfully to Unwanted Parenting Advice and Judgment — At Natural Parents Network, Amy (of Peace 4 Parents) offers some ways to deal with parenting advice and criticism, whether it's from your mom or the grocery store clerk.
Judgement is Natural - Just Don't Condemn — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shared her views on why judgment is unavoidable and why the bigger issue is condemnation.
Four Ways To Share Your Parenting Philosophy Gently — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares tips for communicating with fellow parents in a positive, peaceful manner.
When Other Parents Disagree With You — Being an attachment parent is hard enough, but when you are Lily, aka Witch Mom, someone who does not enforce gender roles on her kid, who devalues capitalism and materialism, and instead prefers homeschooling and homesteading — you are bound to disagree with someone, somewhere!
Mama Bashing — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud reflects on the hurt caused on the blogosphere by mama bashing and pleads for a more mindful way of dealing with differences.
Accentuate the Positive — Joella at Fine and Fair shares how she manages interactions with the parents she encounters in her work as a Parent Coach and Substance Abuse Counselor by building trusting relationships and affirming strengths.
The politics of mothers – keys to respectful interactions with other parents — Tara from MUMmedia offers great tips for handling the inevitable conflict of ideas and personalities in parenting/mother's groups, etc.
Trying to build our village — Sheila at A Gift Universe tells how she went from knowing no other moms in her new town to building a real community of mothers.
Internet Etiquette in the Mommy Wars — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how she handles heated topics in the "Mommy-space" online.
Parenting with Convictions — Sarah at Parenting God's Children encourages love and support for fellow parents and their convictions.
How To Be Respectful Despite Disagreeing On Parenting Styles... — Jenny at I'm a Full-Time Mummy shares her two cents' worth on how to have respectful interactions with other parents despite disagreeing on parenting styles.
Public Relations — Momma Jorje touches on keeping the peace when discussing parenting styles.
Navigating Parenting Politics — Since choosing an alternative parenting style means rejecting the mainstream, Miriam at The Other Baby Book shares a few simple tips that can help avoid hurt feelings.
Hiding in my grace cave — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to forget that not all parents are as respectful and tolerant as the people with whom she now surrounds herself.
Carnival of Natural Parenting - Respectful Interactions with Other Parents — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles explores how her attitude has changed regarding sharing information and opinions with others and how she now chooses to keep the peace during social outings.
Empathy and respect — Helen at zen mummy tries to find her zen in the midst of the Mummy Wars.
Not Holier Than Thou — Amyables at Toddler in Tow muses about how she's learned to love all parents, despite differences, disagreements, and awkward conversations.
Nonviolent Communication and Unconditional Love — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment reflects on the choice to not take offense as the key to honest and open communication.
Respectful Parenting As a Way of Life — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes about using her parenting philosophy as a guide to dealing with other parents who make very different choices from her.
Homeschooling: Why Not? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how parents can often make homeschooling work for their family even if, at first glance, it may seem daunting.
If You Can’t Say Something Nice… — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells her philosophy for online and offline interactions … a philosophy based primarily on a children’s movie.
Different Rules for Different Families — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how differences between families affect our children, and how that can be a good thing.
Respectful Interaction With Other Parents — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares the ways she surrounds herself with a like-minded support network, so that she can gently advocate in her dealings with those whose opinions on parenting differ vastly from her own.
Parenting as a mirror — Rather than discrediting others' parenting styles, Kate Wicker discusses why she tries to focus on doing right rather than being right — and why she’s also not afraid to show others that she’s a heartfelt but imperfect mama just trying to be the best mom for her family.
The One Thing {Most} Parents Have In Common: They Try Their Best — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry finds interacting with other parents easier once she accepts that they are all just trying their best, just like her.
Finding your mama-groove: 5 ways to eliminate judge/be judged metality — MudpieMama reveals 5 ways of thinking that have helped her find her mama-groove and better navigate tricky parenting discussions.
Speaking Up For Those Who Can't — We've all had those moments when someone said something hurtful or insensitive, or downright rude that just shocks you to your core, and you're stunned into silence. Afterwards, you go home and think "Gosh, I wish I said…" This post by Arpita at Up Down, And Natural is for all the breastfeeding mamas who have thought "Gosh, I wish I said…"
Thank you for your opinion — Gaby at Tmuffin shares her go-to comment when she feels like others are judging her parenting style.
Mending — A playground conversation about jeans veers off course until a little mending by Kenna at Million Tiny Things is needed.
The Thing You Don't Know — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about what she believes is one of the most important things you can consider when it comes to compassionate communication with other parents.
3 Tips for Interacting with Other Parents Respectfully When You Disagree with Them — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about respectful interactions on her parenting journey.
Peacefully Keeping My Cool: Quotes from Ana — How do you keep your cool? Ana from Pandamoly shares some of her favorite retorts and conversation starters when her Parenting Ethos comes into question.
Kind Matters — Carrie at Love Notes Mama discusses how she strives to be the type of person she'd want to meet.
Doing it my way but respecting your highway. — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle is determined to walk with her family on the road less travelled whether you like it or not!
Saying "I'm Right and You're Wrong" Seldom Does Much To Improve Your Cause... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how living by example motivates her actions and interactions with others.
Have another kid and you won't care — Cassie of There's a Pickle in My Life, after having her second child, knows exactly how to respond to opposing advice.
Ten Tips to Communicate Respectfully, Even When You Disagree — What if disagreements with our partners, our children or even complete strangers ultimately led to more harmony and deeper connections? They can! Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares ten tips to strengthen our relationships in the midst of conflict.
A Little Light Conversation — Zoie at TouchstoneZ explains why respect needs to be given to every parent unconditionally.
Why I used to hide the formula box — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen finally talks about how judgement between parents changed her views on how she handles differences in parenting.
Assumptions — Nada at minimomist discusses how not everyone is able to nurse, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Shushing Your Inner Judgey McJudgerson — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction knows that judging others is easy to do, but recognizing that we all parent from different perspectives takes work.
Respectfully Interacting with Others Online — Lani at Boobie Time Blog discusses the importance of remaining respectful behind the disguise of the internet.
Presumption of Good Will — Why — and how — Crunchy Con Mommy is going to try to assume the best of people she disagrees with on important issues.
Being Gracious with Parenting Advice — Tips for giving and receiving parenting advice with grace from Lisa at My World Edenwild.
Explain, Smile, Escape — Don't know what to do when you're confronted by another parent who disagrees with you? Amy at Anktangle shares a story from her life along with a helpful method for navigating these types of tricky situations (complete with a handy flow chart!).
Balancing Cultures and Choices — Dulce de leche discusses the challenges of walking the tightrope between generations while balancing cultural and family ties.
Linky - Parenting Peacefully with Social Media — Hannabert's Mom discusses parenting in a social media world.

7 Quick Takes Friday (22)

2012-02-10T06:39:00.002+01:00

Welcome to 7 Quick Takes Friday, hosted again this week at Betty Beguiles while Jennifer at Conversion Diary powers through book writing crunch time.

1. Agent E has been on this kick where she declares "days" with a specific focus. We recently had Help Day, Art Day, Painting Day, Hug Day, Reading Day, and Book Day. I'm not sure of the distinction for some of these; for instance, how Reading Day is different from Book Day. But I go with it.

2. Am I the only one who does not get this whole Ryan Gosling photos with deep thoughts thing? (I had to Google him; I had no idea who he was. Then I was like, Oh! That guy from The Notebook!) Seriously, someone please enlighten me.

Painting Day

3. I saw the movie The Notebook in an actual theater. Back when I used to do stuff like that.

4. This week I packed up two bins of toys just because I'm tired of moving them around. I know some folks swear by the "rotate toys" method of keeping things under control. I think they may be on to something.

5. When we move this summer, we are hoping to have a dedicated play/school room. The girls also want their own bedroom. (Currently, they sleep on a mattress on the floor in our room.) We'll see how this all plays out.

6. I'm wondering if perhaps E would sleep longer in the mornings if she were in a different room? She is a very light sleeper and wakes up the second I climb out of bed. Even if it's 4:00 a.m.

Reading Day

7. Case in point: She joined me in the living room this morning just after four, although she is asleep on the couch right now. For a short while, anyway, until her siblings wake up, and then all bets are off.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

p.s. I think this may have been my lamest Quick Takes ever. Clearly we've had a pretty boring week here. Sigh.

Why I Hate MNO (and What I Do Instead)

2012-02-09T11:00:00.003+01:00

When my first child was born, I joined a local moms' support group. One of the big things everyone kept going on and on about was Moms' Night Out and its importance for keeping mom sane, having fun, enjoying your time, saving the planet, and promoting world peace.

Okay, maybe not those last two. But . . . they certainly made a huge deal about it.

So, when Agent E was three month old, I gave it a try. Wanna know how it turned out? Read more at Connected Mom.

My Practice of . . . Learning at Home

2012-02-06T09:03:00.000+01:00

Today I'm linking up with Sarah at Emerging Mummy for the Practices of Parenting Carnival. Click on over and check it out.

I never intended to homeschool my Agents. At one point I even mocked the whole idea of education at home. Now, however, it has become—in five short months—simply a way of doing things around here. I cannot imagine not doing it.

We're approaching our homeschooling differently this year. Back in September I had grandiose plans of how it would go down: routines, lessons, goals. Oh my! This worked okay for the first few months. Then I just thought one day: What if I let it all go?

What if I started focusing on making better use of ~~our~~ my time instead of specific schedules? What if I stopped worrying about what I could teach her, and concentrated on what excited her about learning? What if I let go of my expectations and let E take the lead?

Sometimes we climb in a box and
pretend it's a pirate ship

Some folks might call this unschooling, although that term tends to scare the uninitiated, mostly because of sensationalized portrayals in the media. I prefer to look at it as Agent-Led Education. Perhaps Cooperative Learning. (Does Organic Education sound too crunchy?) We go about our day and this amazing thing happens: We all gain new knowledge. Every. Single. Day. Turns out those crazy homeschoolers were right: Learning really is everywhere.

Anyway, I came to this conclusion: I would much rather have her "studying" naturally on her own because she wants to than have her compliantly "doing school" with me because I've ~~forced~~ asked her to.

And I think it will be okay for a while. You know, until she's six.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Saturday Evening Blog Post (2)

2012-02-06T07:47:00.002+01:00

Oops . . . it's Monday morning and I totally forgot to link this up! Joining the Saturday Evening Blog Post with Elizabeth Esther again. Click on over to read what a whole slew of great bloggers deem their "best" of January 2012. My selection for this month: Can't We All Just Get Along?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (21)

2012-02-03T07:33:00.001+01:00

Hello, Friday! Thanks as always to Jennifer at Conversion Diary. This week Hallie Lord of Betty Beguiles is hosting on her behalf. Check it out.

1. Question for my blogging friends: How many drafts do you have in progress at any given time? I used to be able to write a bit here and there on various posts, juggling them all until finally one seemed to be finished, but now I find that I need to concentrate on one at a time. Even when, for instance, I have specific plans to publish several pieces close together, such as for two or more carnivals/blog hops scheduled for the same week, I cannot focus on the next post until the first is finished. It's like there is no longer blogging space in my mind for more than one distinct idea. Which is probably why I love 7 Quick Takes so much. I need this writing catharsis to happen at least weekly. It helps me to get out of my own way.

2. Agent E has been composing stories. Sometimes original, but mostly they start out, "Once upon a time there were two chipmunks named Chip and Dale . . ." She illustrates them, asks me to staple them together, and then reads them to Julia and Andrew. She tells me she wants to be a writer. Ah, love her. (And I'm sure my parents have a collection of my stories from about the same age.)

3. Speaking of E, I noticed that she seems to be overwhelmed when we head to the library to choose books for the week. Even the children's room, while not that big, has SO many books. For a while she would consistently head over to the board book/wee kids area and choose a few from the low table because they are more accessible . . . fun titles but way below her reading level. Now I just grab a variety of books and let her sit at the table and peruse. She still chooses which ones come home with us, but I help the process along by offering a more limited selection of books I think she might enjoy.

This week's selections

4. Oh, and we are still taking a photo of our book stack every week to keep track. Typically we have 10-12 books out at any given time. Next week we may be starting a unit on dinosaurs. Unless we change our mind by then.

5. Broke down and recreated a writing calendar. But, instead of specific goals like "I will publish a new post on this day" or "I will post X times a week" it simply includes the due dates for different carnivals and such I would like to participate in, just to keep track because my brain is already full.

6. At what age did your child (children) learn to tie shoes? I don't mean just getting the loopy part quasi-together, but you could just say "put on your shoes" and trust they were tied sufficiently to let them run outside without fear they would trip themselves five seconds later? What about learning to tell time? (Just curious.)

7. Thinking of doing another giveaway for February, although I guess first I should actually get the January one in the mail. Sigh.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Becoming Intentional With My Time

2012-01-27T12:52:00.000+01:00

Welcome to the first edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama!In the month of January, we start afresh, a new year, new ideas. Hence, our participants have looked into the topic of “Birth and New Beginnings”. Take a look at the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants.

The advent of a new year lends itself naturally to self-reflection and self-renewal. No better time than January to clean the slate and start fresh.

Many of you have seen One Word 365 and have chosen a word of your own for the year. My one word for 2012 is intentional. Each month I'm considering a specific way I can be intentional with my thoughts and actions. For January I'm becoming intentional with my time.

Because I love a good list, I came up with a simple three-step plan:

1. Focus on what I'm doing right. I've been really great at prioritizing morning quiet time, Bible reading time, and writing time.

Agent E, Pirate in Pajamas

2. Let go of the shoulds. I should read more. I should spend less time online. I should have a cleaning schedule . . . a meal rotation . . . a homeschooling calendar . . . a blogging plan. Of course all these things still need to get done, but when the routine isn't perfect I cut myself some slack. One area in particular where I am making progress is with our homeschooling. I'm learning to let E control the pace and not fret about what we "should" be doing with our days.

3. Make one meaningful change, then move on to another one. In the past few weeks, I have consciously made the decision to shut down my computer for a huge chunk of the day, instead of leaving it in "sleep" mode and being tempted to check "one more thing" all day long. Now that it's becoming ingrained to do that one simple thing, I will move onto something else.

Are you also focusing on a specific change for the year? Just starting out with a new goal for the next 12 months? Leave a comment and let me know how it's going so far.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Visit Authentic Parenting and MudpieMama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 27 with all the carnival links.)

Becoming Intentional with My Time Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the beginning of her year-long journey toward more intentional living.
Alirik’s Birth Story: Sweet Surprise Lauren at Hobo Mama tells the sweet surprise unassisted home water birth story of her second child.
My Rebirth: An Honest Look Darcel at The Mahogany Way talks a little about some of the fear and insecurity she's felt over the years since starting her parenting journey and her blog.
Trusting My Body: Ailia’s Birth Story After a very challenging birth with her son, Dionna at Code Name: Mama was nervous about having another natural birth. But practicing relaxation techniques and birth affirmations proved to be just what she needed to have her perfect, peaceful, unassisted homebirth.
My Homeschool Philosophy Paige a Bay Dust Diaries shares her new year's resulution about homeschooling.
Yet Another Resolutions Post... Zen mummy's resolutions for a better 2012
Renewing Green Passions in the New Year Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about renewing a passion for green living in the new year
Birthing and New Beginnings... And Better Mothering Sheila at A Living Family shares her first ever New Year's resolutions to be a more mindful, compassionate and respectful mother to her two-year old daughter after the recent birth of her son.
An Open Letter to MTV Regarding 16 and Pregnant Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama delivers a pointed message to MTV about how they misrepresent birth and parenthood on 16 and Pregnant.
Setting Intentions Megan at The Other Baby Blog shares another way to ring in the New Year.
Spencer's Birth Story Momma Jorje shares her family's story of birthing her son with Down syndrome.
Looking Forward, Looking Back Erica @ ChildOrganics shares how she is able to look back at the loss of their daughter and yet move forward with her family at the same time.
Unique unto Itself. Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings has chosen a word for her second child's birth: awareness.
The Unassisted Birth of The LIttle Buddha. Laura at Authentic Parenting shares the birth story of her new baby
Birthing and Resolutions: Keeping Good Things in Motion. MudpieMama shares her VBAC story and why she skipped making resolutions in the traditional way.
The Birth of a New Era by Mandy from Living Peacefully With Children

7 Quick Takes Friday (20)

2012-01-27T07:16:00.000+01:00

Welcome to 7 Quick Takes Friday, my 20th edition! This week: where I'm blogging, cute things Agent A is doing, and chatting with Hubby. Enjoy. Be sure to stop by Conversion Diary to read Jennifer's post and check out the other bloggers posted there.

1. Later today I'll be participating in a carnival with Authentic Parenting. I'm writing about the first month of this one word 2012 thing. Please stop by again and check it out, then visit some of the other blog pages linked up.

2. Yesterday my first post with Connected Mom went live. I'm so excited to be a part of this wonderful group of women.

3. Andrew says a few words . . . mama, dada, cat, ball, Roomba . . . but mostly he does the baby caveman point and grunt. He also signs milk, more, and bath. I don't think either of the girls were saying this much at 14 months; in fact, I recall thinking Eva was never going to talk.

Sometimes I steal my sister's Minnie Mouse robe

4. If you start counting around Agent A, he covers his eyes. Or his ears. Or he just puts his hands on his head. (We play hide-and-seek a lot around here.)

5. A has also started reaching up for my hand when we walk beside each other. Adorableness.

6. "Well, it's plastic except for the hair . . . should we recycle the body and put her head in the trash?" (Hubby and I discussing the fate of a decapitated-beyond-repair Barbie doll. Weirdest. conversation. ever.)

7. I think it's about time I let Hubby know this blog exists. It's not like I set out to not tell him about it, I just never brought it up. Thoughts?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Practical Tools for Challenging Times

2012-01-26T07:29:00.000+01:00

At my best, I am a loving, gentle, compassionate parent who adores my children and strives to be positive and focus on relationship. At my worst, I'm pretty sure clips of my week could be sewn into a reality television show about how not to parent.

So what about the in between? What about when you want to be centered and calm but trials of everyday life become overwhelming? What do you do when you start to become frustrated and need a better way to handle things?

For six tips I use around our house when things start to spiral, click on over to the rest of my post at Connected Mom.

Book Giveaway Winner

2012-01-23T07:32:00.000+01:00

We have a winner! Even though I completely mangled the install and uninstall of a new comment program, and lost all the original comments on A Little Sweepstakes of Sorts in the process, I was still able to chose a winner. How? Oh, I forgot one little detail: my blog sends me an e-mail every time someone comments. Duh. So, I still knew who entered! The cat was sleeping, so I pulled a name out of a hat. (Okay, plastic art supply box.) And the lucky recipient of Motherhood: The Guilt That Keeps on Giving is . . .

Amy W. (Cheers . . . clapping . . . cheers . . . clapping . . .)

So, if you could e-mail me at mommainprogress@gmail.com (or FB message me) with your mailing address, that would be fabulous! I will put the book in the mail this week, Agents permitting. (A has a cold, and is spending all of his waking hours glued to me, so it's entirely possible we could be in our pajamas until Thursday or Friday.)

Now to start working on a February giveaway . . .

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (19)

2012-01-20T08:45:00.000+01:00

Oh, how I love Fridays and this 7 Quick Takes thing. Thanks so much to Jennifer for hosting each week. Find her post here . . . be sure to leave a comment and then check out the others linked up.

1. Tried to install CommentLuv on my blog this week . . . and uninstalled it two days later. Sigh. I wanted something that would allow folks to link up their most recent post when they leave a comment, and this seemed like the best option for Blogger, but . . . maybe there's something else that would work better? Any thoughts, blogging friends? I really don't want to lose all my previous comments. One other issue was with the comment "counter" . . . it would always indicate zero, but when you click on it there were obviously comments there. Ugh.

Agent J loves art time

2. On a related note, I tried to have My First Bloggy Giveaway this week. All folks needed to do was leave a comment for a chance to win a free book. But guess what? When you uninstall a comment program, you also lose all the comments. So, if any of you fine readers would still like to win a copy of Motherhood: The Guilt That Keeps on Giving by Julie Ann Barnhill, please go to the post A Little Sweepstakes of Sorts and leave a comment. I have extended the "deadline" until tomorrow.

3. Starting to get really excited about moving again, even though it's still over four months away. Lately I've been very motivated to let go of stuff and start getting more organized. Although if you could see the condition of our apartment right now, that might not be evident.

4. Agent J wanted to finger paint yesterday. As you can see in the accompanying photo, she enjoyed it.

5. Bought Agent A a new car seat this week. He is almost 15 months and close to the height limit on his infant seat. We purchased a convertible seat but will be keeping him facing back for quite a while. Current guidelines recommend to age two (in most cases), although I don't think a lot of parents are aware of this.

Agent A's new ride

6. I'm truly amazed that our cat has not scratched, bitten, or otherwise maimed one of our children. That feline has the patience of a saint. I cannot get Agent E to stop holding her like a baby, wrapping her up in blankets, and otherwise torturing her. Poor kitty . . . we got her almost seven years ago, and since then have brought three of those small people into our home. Every time we came home with a new baby, we just imagined her rolling her little cat eyes and muttering to herself, really? another one?

7. Raining today (again) so we may stay in and skip our usual Friday play/library/lunch time. I'm thinking we will try to make some homemade play doh instead. You know, since the finger painting thing went so well.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

p.s. The Blogger spacing issues make me batty! Photos seem to ruin the paragraph spacing about 50% of the time. Anyone else have this problem, or can I chalk it up to my extensive technical skills?

Let It Go

2012-01-19T09:13:00.001+01:00

Blogging again with Hearts at Home. You can find Jill's post here. Click this link to read my previous blog hop posts.

I consider myself to be sort of the anti-pack rat. I don't really have a problem with holding on to too many things, and I am more than willing to sell or donate unused items.

This doesn't mean I always do this. It just means I know I am capable. (Unlike most people in my family and my husband's family . . . but we're not even going to go there.)

I am also not a big fan of cleaning. Just keeping up with the laundry and vacuuming and kitchen stuff makes me woozy. But the truth is . . . the less stuff you have, the easier it is to clean (and organize). We're making a concerted effort to par down right now . . . resolution-y January, and all. It helps that we are getting ready to move in a few months—additional built-in motivation.

So, my biggest tip for keeping all those resolutions to finally have a clean, efficient house is (drum roll please) . . .

Get rid of stuff.

If it sounds too easy, it's because, well, it is. Need some ideas for how to start? Check out the Simple Mom website. Search "decluttering" and be inspired and amazed. Also check out another of my favorite sites, Gospel Homemaking. Still want more? Try 31 Days to Clean. (Full disclosure: I've never actually made it through all 31 days. Sigh.)

Here are some specific tips I use for deciding what stuff goes and what stuff stays. (And, I'm trying to see how many times I can use the word "stuff" in one blog post.)

Household Stuff

Less cleaning, more playing with cute babies

Think about the end result: How nice it will be when dusting/cleaning doesn't take forever. A few meaningful framed photos, knick knacks, or candles can be nice. Moving 27 separate items just to dust the top of the TV stand, not so much.

Kitchen Stuff

Ask yourself these three questions: 1. Do you use it? 2. Do you use it? 3. Do you use it?

Clothing (and Shoes and Jewelry) Stuff

Does it serve a specific purpose? Does it make you feel fabulous? And (ooh, here's the hard one) does it fit?

Sentimental Stuff

If you're mushy, embrace it. Then move on. Even I keep lots of stuff I will never use/need again. (Um, three ginormous boxes of baby clothes in the attic, anyone?)

Now I think I need to take my own advice and go organize a closet or something. Please take a look at the other posts linked below and send these wonderful bloggers some love.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

A Little Sweepstakes of Sorts

2012-01-17T08:04:00.000+01:00

Welcome to my first ever Bloggy Giveaway!

Many of you know I've been blogging Third Thursday Thoughts with Hearts at Home for a while now. . . another one coming up this week, in fact. Well, they have passed along to me two copies of the book Motherhood: The Guilt That Keeps on Giving by Julie Ann Barnhill. I'm keeping one for me (duh!) and passing one along to one of my readers (yeah!).

(Full disclosure: I have not yet read this book myself. But it's on my list. Really.)

You want me to do what?

Anyway, if you'd like to "win" a copy, please leave me a comment on this blog post. I'll have my cat chose a winner at random from all comments posted before Friday 6 a.m. my time. (That's midnight Thursday for you east coast people.) Please note that the only way to "enter" is to comment on the post itself, not on my Facebook wall . . . although you are welcome to chat with me there, too, because as you may have noticed, I love Facebook.

Second motive with this post: I just added CommentLuv to my blog and want to test it out to make sure I have it installed correctly. (I'm a writer; not very technically inclined.) So help me out, will ya? Bonus, if you have a blog yourself it ~~will~~ should provide a link back to your most recent post. Feeling the love yet?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Second Semester Is a Go!

2012-01-14T07:38:00.000+01:00

Sharing some thoughts on our homeschooling so far this semester and linking up at Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers. Be sure to check out the weekly wrap-up from Kris and send some love to the bloggers listed there. Also, stop by Facebook and like her page. (Mine, too, while you're at it!)

We just finished week two, semester two, and have decided to take a somewhat different approach this semester/year. After the first week, I really started feeling way too scheduled . . . my neurotic planning and homemade "curriculum" didn't feel right anymore. So, I made a couple of changes.

Let the fun begin

First, I eliminated my weekly "agenda" and instead will simply be using my semester overview notes as a guide instead of trying to get to every "subject" every week. In other words, instead of planning what to DO at the beginning of each week, at the end of the week I will recap what we actually DID. Of course, I will probably still have a variety of things printed and ready in the binder at any given time, because that’s what Eva likes.

Second, I'm trying to let her take the lead more and wing it more than previously. And the result so far is that she does want to learn, she loves to learn, and she will come up with ideas about what to learn all on her own. For example, this week without prompting (too much, anyway) she wanted to learn about telling time (which we started a while ago but didn’t get very far). We worked on learning to the hour and half hour, but have a few worksheets ready to go for learning 10-, 5-, and 1-minute increments. She became curious about fractions, too, so we’ll likely incorporate that next week. We’ve also been talking a lot about Florida and the move in June (again, her interest).

Our 10 library books for the week

Third, I'm working on finding balance for myself, particularly when it comes to computer time versus reading time. I find that if I don’t mention it, but just sit down and pick up a book myself, she is more likely to join me (and read on her own) than if I say hey let’s read something, or why don’t you go read a book. Also, as I consciously make an effort to spend less time on my laptop, her computer time seems to be waning as well (on it’s own, not because I put a limit on it) . . . or perhaps the novelty is just wearing off.

Oh, and I had this brilliant idea this week . . . I was wondering if I should start keeping track of the books take out of the library each week, and that seemed like a lot of work/typing . . . so instead I decided to take a photo of them. Okay, so maybe it's not brilliant, but it was a lightbulb moment for me.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

2012-01-11T18:02:00.000+01:00

One of my writing/blogging goals for 2012 is to be active, positive, and encouraging within the online writing/blogging community.

(This fits in well with the theme of my one word for 2012.)

And I'm blessed to have found so many wonderful, thoughtful, reflective writers out there who are sharing peaceful, honest advice in a helpful way . . . and I truly believe they should keep on doing it. Writers like this inspire me, writers like the ones I thanked in this post.

Choose kindness

However, that's not always the case. Folks can easily hide behind keyboards and iPhones. They forget about the real, live person on the other end, and sometimes it can get downright mean.

You may have seen this post this post floating virally around. I think the writer is spot on. And I want to throw my own two cents at the topic. (Full disclosure: I actually had this post drafted before I read her article. Then I had that Crap Someone Else Wrote Exactly What I Was Thinking Before I Did experience that all bloggers have at least once a week. But I decided to polish and publish anyway.)

In other words, I'm feeling the need to soapbox for moment. Indulge me?

I think sharing information is fabulous. I post links on my own Facebook page, and follow others links on pages I "like" all. the. time. They make me think about my own choices and provide new perspectives. My theory is, read it, and if you don’t like it, don’t use it.

The problem I have is when folks move from offering genuine information and concern to reading/talking/writing over each other. I have watched threads turn so ugly on usually very respectful, peaceful blogs or message boards because people stop listening and just want to get their own view across. Or some poor Momma is desperately seeking advice, and they mock her choices or judge something that has already happened that she can’t change.

(An extreme case: A blog dedicated to gentle parenting posted an article about the circumcision-related death of a newborn. Readers were actually posting “I told you so” comments . . . snarky, see that’s what you get kind of complete @#$%. No kidding. Usually it’s not that bad, but still annoying. And unnecessary.)

A few things to consider:

Just because you did it doesn't mean it can be done by someone else. (Just try this!)

Classic example: Potty learning

That's great if your child learned independent toilet skills at 14 months. Not believable, but great. The Mom desperate for tips with training her three-year-old before preschool is not going to benefit from your story. Nor can she go back in time and use your glowing insight.

Consider other viewpoints

If it worked for you, that doesn't mean it will work for me. (You're not doing it right.)

Classic example: Sleep

Sleep does not beget sleep for all children. Bedtime routines are not a panacea. Breastfeeding, rocking, and co-sleeping are not bad habits in need of breaking. Cribs were not constructed by Satan himself.

Two reasonable, intelligent people can research the same topic and come to two very different conclusions. (Sometimes the only answer is to agree to disagree.)

Classic example: Vaccines

Guess what? No one in the opposite camp is swayed by any "research" in this area. Trust me.

Your pet ~~obsession~~ agenda is not the pat answer for every problem. (Knock it off. Seriously.)

Classic example: Random question on a natural parenting site

I know people mean well, I do. But . . . I honestly do not believe the solution to any given parenting dilemma is stop vaccinating, give up dairy, and see a chiropractor. Really?

Use your words . . . nicely. (Remember that Golden Rule stuff?)

Classic example: Breastfeeding

Wanna start a Mommy War? Bring up breastfeeding versus formula feeding in a group of new mothers. Bonus for working in the terms nazi, poison, selfish, tied down, give up, IQ, or bonding.

How about we all make a pact that for 2012 we will rise above this insanity?

Because you know what? That person you are slamming behind the safety net of online anonymity loves her kids as much as you do. Parents who vaccinate love their kids. Parents who circumcise love their kids. Parents who follow feeding schedules love their kids. Parents who take their kids to McDonalds once a week love their kids. Parents whose kids watch more than two hours of educational TV a day love their kids.

Spread some joy

The aforementioned viral post pretty much sums it up:

"Do you beat your kids senseless? Do you starve them? Do you withhold all love and affection? Do you tell them they aren't worthy? If you answered yes to any of [these] questions, then I think we have an issue. If not, then my guess is you are doing your very best at the hardest, hardest job."

Can we make a conscious effort to be empathetic instead of critical? Can we please stop steamrolling each other? Can we remember to simply be nice?

Soapbox speech complete. As you were.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

On Writing

2012-01-10T09:05:00.000+01:00

Early this week, I (purposely) deleted my writing/blogging calendar from my iCal. I realized that all it did was make me feel bad for not meeting self-imposed deadlines and not staying on track like I imagine those Really Organized Bloggers Who Actually Follow Calendars do.

Instead, I came up with a short list of (realistic) Goals for Blogging in 2012:

It's good to have goals

1. Write frequently and honestly. Be more open and less self-censoring. I cannot even tell you how long I sat on posts because they weren't "perfect" enough to publish. Or how many times I re-read something from my own archives and thought who wrote that? I would love to continue posting two or three times a week; I think that is reasonable for my current season of parenting.

2. Engage actively and positively in the writing/blogging community. Encourage other bloggers with thoughtful comments, links, tags, shares. Remember we are all here to learn from each other; criticizing and harsh words have no place. In other words, I'm going to be supportive and nice.

3. Re-evaluate often. This is usually where all my best laid plans fail. I am beyond awful at objectively assessing what is working and what is not. I need to make a conscious effort to do this routinely, and through an honest lens.

I hope you have enjoyed what you have read so far on this blog and will continue to follow my journey in 2012.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Book Review: A Year With Jesus, by R.P. Nettelhorst

2012-01-08T07:00:00.000+01:00

You may have noticed, I love books. With the parenting books I rave about, and my daily Bible reading, and reading up on homeschooling, I am usually in the middle of no fewer than three at any given time.

This year I will also be periodically reviewing books as part of BookSneeze®. First up: A Year With Jesus: Daily Readings and Reflections on Jesus' Own Words by R.P. Nettelhorst.

This one-year devotional examines the words Jesus spoke throughout the Gospels (plus a bit of text from Acts and Revelation). The introduction, compared to other "devotional" books I have read, is short (one page) and to the point: We get to know people by spending time with them and listening to them. Spend time with and listen to Jesus every day.

Nettelhorst organizes his writing into ten sections, including not only predictable polarities (e.g., love and hate, good and evil, life and death) but also the dichotomies of arrogance and humility, deserved and undeserved, fidelity and treachery. It's helpful that he includes the complete scripture reference on each page along with his thoughts. My only criticism, if you could call it that, would be that he does not pull text from one translation . . . rather, he uses several different Bibles. However, I always have my preferred rendition accessible, so I have been simply reading from that directly.

I intended to simply choose maybe half a dozen days at random to read for the purposes of this review. I ended up spending nearly an hour poring over the book, skimming around the contents to titles that jumped out at me and now I cannot wait to delve into daily readings for 2012.

Each day is only one page, including the Bible verse and his commentary. Easy. Totally do-able for even the biggest of procrastinators. Do you have five minutes a day to focus on the words of Jesus? Pick up this book!

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Note: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze® book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Saturday Evening Blog Post (1)

2012-01-07T14:32:00.000+01:00

On the first Saturday of each month, Elizabeth Esther invites bloggers to join her Saturday Evening Blog Post. Writers link up their favorite post from the previous month, and then read what other bloggers have shared.

For December I chose my 7 Quick Takes post from the 9th.

Be sure to click over and check out Elizabeth's blog. She is a terrific writer, and I enjoy her posts a lot.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (18)

2012-01-06T07:30:00.002+01:00

Welcome to another Quick Takes Friday hosted by Jennifer at Conversion Diary. Today's edition will be short and totally random.

1. Have you seen One Word 365? Here is my one word for 2012.

2. This week we didn't get to much math or Italian, but we did hold an art show, play in the mud, and plan a January egg hunt. I love homeschooling.

3. Trying to do this challenge to get outside every day but so far, failing. The good news is the rainy season here should be over soon. Like March.

4. I am the anti-pack rat, and I will really put that to the test in the next few months before we prepare to move again. I plan to start by donating several ginormous boxes of baby clothes, since we won't be needing those anymore.

My sweet Agent A

5. Currently reading Psalms . . . still working my way through the Bible. Decided to attempt an online book discussion of Real Moms, Real Jesus. Helps that I've already read the book once, although it was a while ago. Also received my first BookSneeze book to review this week . . . more on that in another post. And I'm still trying to finish my next book rave.

6. Considering Take #5, I think I need to half my online time and double my reading time.

7. Agents E and J have been playing Max and Ruby a lot lately. Anybody want to guess who's who?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Just One Word

2012-01-02T06:59:00.000+01:00

Stumbled upon this site in the wee hours of 1 January 2012 . . . I started the new year early because Agent A had a rough night, a cold with a slight fever left him unable to settle. (And then ultimately he puked all over both of us, par for the course with every cold for him.) Anyway, I've been reflecting on 2011 (who hasn't?) and what I'd like to do differently in 2012 (um, a lot), and I wanted to challenge myself to take this One Word thing seriously.

It's harder than it sounds.

Initially the fruits of the spirit popped into my head:
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I also considered think, respect, strength, and content.

On a less philosophical level, more in terms of action, I pondered write, purge, and move.

I contemplated on the many joys and trials 2012 will bring: moving from Europe back to the United States, a return to "normal" Navy life (which means the Agents and I will be on our own much more), a different state, a new house, more adventures in homeschooling, lots of travel (five trips planned so far) . . . and oh yeah, I'll turn 40 in there, too.

So, what do I really want for this upcoming year? What do I really need?

Agents (and Clubhouse Characters) last January

The truth is, I haven't been acting the way I want to act for some time now. I've been short with the Agents, distant with Hubby, and generally more tense than ever before. I look at some of my previous posts and think, hypocrite! You are not that person. I just reread all ten posts I have filed under "discipline" and wow . . . ugh. I could use some work. Perhaps I should change my blog title to Momma Who Needs a Complete Overhaul.

For 2012 I'm going to focus on creating a more pleasant environment for myself and my family. I'm going to make a conscious effort to be in the moment. I'm going to strive to live with purpose instead of slogging along.

My word for 2012 is . . . INTENTIONAL.

What's yours?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

p.s. Leave a comment here or on my Facebook page and let me know what word you've chosen. Fellow bloggers may also like to link up at the One Word Community.

7 Quick Takes Friday (17)

2011-12-30T07:14:00.000+01:00

Welcome to another Quick Takes Friday hosted by Jennifer at Conversion Diary. Be sure to check out her post and the other bloggers who have linked up.

For today I am sharing my favorite posts from 2011. These are not necessarily ones which had a lot of page views or received a lot of comments, but those I personally liked and enjoyed writing.

Two things: First, there are eight listed here, so I'm being all rule-violator-ish with the whole "seven" thing. Second, nothing from October, November, or December made the list. Not because I didn't like any of those posts, but because they are too recent for me to re-read with any real perspective.

1. Boob Talk One of many posts about breastfeeding . . . I wrote this one prior to creating my blog's Facebook page and so it didn't get a lot of hits.

2. 10 Things My Pre-Parenting Self Swore I Would NEVER Do Yes; I really thought all of these things. And I giggle now.

3. Reminders My first blog hop entry with Hearts at Home.

4. More Musings on Life in Italy Trying to show it's not as exciting as it sounds.

5. A Word of Advice A letter to my teenage self.

6. I Never Thought I'd Say This Admitting to myself that homeschooling might be an option.

7. Now I Get It (Second Posting) In honor of World Breastfeeding Week.

8. Three Angels, Three Stories (Second Posting) A little about each of the Agents' births.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

What Really Matters

2011-12-19T08:37:00.000+01:00

I mentioned at the end of my post about friends that beyond experiencing God's love, being excited about learning, and treating other kindly, there's not a whole lot I think my children need to grasp right now. (Granted, they are currently 5, 3, and 1.)

And don't get me wrong, we do "study" things in our home kindergarten and even have an "agenda" that we follow, sort of. But it's mostly for fun and because Agent E enjoys it, not because I think if she doesn't know how to do certain things by a certain age she will be woefully behind.

Mmm . . . DVD

But still, I can't help but think about what I "should" be doing with her in the future. I guess the big looming question when it comes to our homeschooling going forward would be: What do my kids need to know?

I'm trying to think big picture here . . . that whole "begin with the end in mind" thing. As we wrap up our first semester and plan our next, I'm looking ahead to one, five, ten years down the road. What would I like to see my "graduates" doing?

(I should probably note here I am intentionally leaving Bible studies and life skills studies off this list . . . a separate post coming soon.)

Reading/Writing

As a writer and lover of books, this is at the top of the list for Momma. When you know how to read, you can research anything you want on your own. Without getting too philosophicrazy, it truly does open doors to new worlds and new experiences. I would include here comprehension skills, a good working vocabulary, and the ability to think critically about what is read/researched. For writing, I want them to be able to use written language well, including but not limited to crafting a persuasive or creative written work, understanding and using grammar/punctuation correctly, and knowing how to spell. (Oh, and I also expect good handwriting skills and yes, I will teach them cursive writing.)

Math

Beyond foundational math skills, I'm really not so sure on this one. A working knowledge of the basics, simple algebra, practical geometry, and ~~how numbers lie~~ statistics is important. However, I think I would allow their own interests in the subject to determine how much we delve into higher math. (Do you remember being totally stressed out in high school calculus class? Do you ever use it? Was it worth it?)

Science/Health

Here again, I think it's important to have a broad knowledge of the basics, and we will include introductions to biology, chemistry, physics, environmental science, earth science, geology, etc. etc. etc. However, as with mathematics, I will let their interests guide what we choose to pursue further and what receives the most attention.

History/Geography/Government

I list these together because I think their connection is so important. I also feel this is where the educational system failed me. Knowing the history/government of your own country, as well as having a solid grasp on world history and geography, is critical for being able to think globally and truly be a "world" citizen. When I first considered homeschooling I listed this as one of the primary educational and life goals for the Agents.

Languages/Cultures

Photo break while unwrapping presents

We will introduce foreign languages from the get-go. This year we did Italian, only because we live here and not because it's a particularly useful language to know in the grand scheme of things. Next year we plan to do Spanish, and after that maybe French. While I hope that someday each of the Agents will decide on their own to pursue more in depth knowledge of a specific language or languages, for now our studies are pretty general and mostly about fun vocabulary, a few useful verbs, and conversational pleasantries (which is about where my Italian skills end).

So these are some things I keep in mind as I plan for our 2012 "school" year. As with everything else in this process, it is subject to change. :-) Question for you now, dear reader: What would you add? What would you delete? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

First Semester, Done!

2011-12-16T12:54:00.002+01:00

It's been a while since I posted a homeschooling update and linked up with the Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers Weekly Wrap-Up. (My last link up was back in October, following Week Six.)

A few random thoughts as we end our first semester of Home Kindergarten . . .

While Agent E loves school with Mommy (even on vacation) she has noticed that she is doing something different. She even suggested perhaps next year she could have school at home Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Will be interesting to see how this plays out after we move this summer. Maybe she thinks homeschooling is just something we do in Italy?

Yes; we color the table, too

Our preferred mode of teaching/learning is . . . coloring. Anything can be introduced through a few printouts and a box of (washable) crayons. (Agent E loves a good worksheet, so that helps.) I print out several each Sunday afternoon, based on what our plan is for the week, and then she chooses which ones she wants to do when. She enjoys checking out Mommy's Big Binder of Fun Stuff and pulling out word searches, math problems, maps, or whatever else and then coloring them while she works.

I find that she talks a lot about what she is doing while she colors and it naturally evolves into a great "learning" experience. For instance, if she's coloring a picture of Spain, she might start reminiscing about our trip there, and then want to see pictures of our visit to the Barcelona Zoo, and then want to color pictures of animals, which leads to a "lesson" on mammals, which leads to questions about animal habitats, which makes her think of other habitats, like oceans, which means then we're talking about sea creatures, and then reading The Little Mermaid in Italian, and . . . um, yeah.

Morning fun at our house

I could write a lot more, but I'm always late posting these (or never get to it at all) because of the time difference. :-| Suffice it to say, nothing about this experience turned out as I expected. And I already have at least three other posts drafted discussing all the things I've learned and want to do the same or differently come January.

If this is your first time visiting my blog, I hope you will continue reading and follow us as we trek along. If you are blogging about your own homeschooling adventures, leave a comment with your blog or Facebook link and I will follow your journey as well. Looking forward to sharing with and learning from new blogger friends in 2012.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

My Sweet E

2011-12-13T13:33:00.001+01:00

Agent E loves to make lists . . . of things to do, to read, to watch . . . of her favorite books, movies, animals, toys . . . anything. She makes these types of (cute, if not mildly neurotic) notes all. the. time. My husband blames my influence. I have no idea what he's talking about :-)

Anyway, earlier she took paper and pencil and composed this:

Agent E lost her first tooth last week

Stuff That I Need To Do in the Morning

Color

Read books

School

Snacks

Play

Give Andrew a kiss

Hug Julia

Paint

Roomba

Play computer games

Made me smile; hope it did the same for you.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (16)

2011-12-09T07:05:00.001+01:00

Hello and welcome to another Quick Takes Friday hosted by Jennifer at Conversion Diary. Be sure to stop by her blog and read her post, then scroll down to see what others have linked. Have a blog? Join us!

A short, random list today . . . with significantly less complaining than last week.

1. Do you ever find yourself starting a conversation with "Remember that episode of Dora when . . ." or "You know how Donald Duck is always . . ." Um, yeah. Me neither.

2. I just joined an online book discussion group, because apparently I believe that come January I will magically transform into a person who doesn't procrastinate.

3. We have free TV channels for the month of December, so we have been overdosing on television. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) We tend to do mostly DVDs around here, so seeing new programs is really quite the novelty for the Agents. And I had to explain commercials to Agent E.

4. Is it possible to have a cold for two months? Or maybe I just need to get out of this country.

5. Poll: How many outfits do you pack when you go on vacation? One per day or do you assume rewearability to save space? I have convinced myself that for our next vacation I will be able to pack winter clothes, diapers, and stuff for five people for seven days into two suitcases. My husband doubts my sanity on this one, but I am determined to pull it off.

6. One morning this week while I was having my coffee, Agent J came out to the living room and informed me, "Mommy, I just peed all over your bed."

Clean up time is so much fun

7. Agent A is a very happy baby (see adorable photo) who loves to clap . . . for strawberry smoothies, at hearing Daddy's keys jingling outside the door, when his sisters smother him in kisses. The other day he was nursing, looked up at me, unlatched, and applauded.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

A Quick Christmas-y Post

2011-12-06T16:48:00.001+01:00

Sharing a few Christmas-related ramblings on my mind. I seem to recall wanting to write a similar post last year, but never getting around to it. I'll blame that whole giving birth in November thing. (Out of curiosity, I looked and discovered that I only composed one post last December, which is a tad snarky and has nothing to do with Christmas.)

Usually we keep the time leading up to the holidays pretty low key, unlike most people we know. We like to have birthday cake on Christmas Eve, but this year we will be in Disneyland, so perhaps a Mickey-shaped ice cream bar instead?

On Decorating

Last year we put up a tree. I wanted to take it down about an hour later. Agent J was at peak two-and-a-half-ness, and I also had, oh yeah, a newborn. Every time I sat down to nurse the baby, she would grab an ornament, eat some greenery, or unravel the tree skirt. Every. freaking. time. No amount of distraction or rearranging (at one point, the bottom half of our tree was completely bare) discouraged her. A year later Agent J remains, well, Agent J. And now Agent A is mobile, too. This season our "decor" consists of a tiny tabletop tree, some giant Santa hats thrown over the back of the couch, and a few Christmas bears strewn about the room. Catalog worthy, for sure.

Senior Agents, Christmas Eve 2010

On That @#$% Elf

I truly dislike the whole concept of the elf on the shelf. I know some folks simply use it as a fun game—where will he be in the morning?—but for the majority who use it as a Santa Spy, I just . . . ugh. Actually, the whole mindset of "be good because Santa's watching" and warnings of "getting nothing for Christmas" just makes me . . . grrr. I hate hearing parents make ~~intimidating threats~~ comments like that to their children. Grumble.

On Santa

We don't "do" Santa around here . . . no fat jolly man in a red suit will be coming down our chimney. (You know, if we had one.) We do love Santa as a character, though, and plan to enjoy all the Christmas cartoon specials, to color lots of pictures of flying reindeer, and to overdose on hot chocolate while watching The Polar Express. We do not, however, build up the image of Santa Claus as mysterious gift giver or behavior monitor. The Agents have also never posed for a picture with Santa. (Not that I would be against it; to us it would be just like standing in line at Disney to get a photo with Mickey. They just don't care one way or the other.)

On Secrets

Agent E knows Santa does not deliver presents around the world in one evening. She has flat-out asked: "That doesn't really happen, does it?" At five, however, I don't think she grasps that some of her friends may believe something different based on what their parents have told them. I have never asked her to "not say anything" or "keep it to ourselves" to not spoil another's surprise. That is way too much to expect of a small child. Plus, the chances of her actually spilling the beans is so limited, it's not worth worrying her over. Nor do I think it's our responsibility, anyway, but that's probably a whole other post.

On Gifts

Agent A last December

The Agents will get a few presents in the mail from their grandparents and cousins. We will probably buy the girls one gift (likely during the after-Christmas sales; last year we bought them bikes). We'll just give Agent A an empty box to play with and call it a day.

On the Real Story

Ask the Senior Agents what Christmas is, and they will tell you it's Jesus' birthday. We haven't yet spent a lot of time discussing the birth of Jesus in our homeschooling, however. We will probably read the story from Luke in a few weeks, and maybe talk a bit about Mary and Joseph and color some pages of Wise Men and such. We have been to the Basilica di San Nicola in Bari, and we talked a bit about that trip today. We'll likely discuss more about the life of Saint Nicholas as part of our upcoming lessons as well.

What does this time of year look like at your house?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (15)

2011-12-02T16:04:00.001+01:00

Hello and welcome to another Quick Takes Friday, hosted by Jennifer at Conversion Diary. Call this edition The One Where I Ramble About Our Last Vacation.

My budding archaeologists

1. Just returned from a 10-day cruise. It was okay. (Yes; I just called a 10-day vacation to three continents with four amazing port visits "okay.") We chose this trip very last-minute, based on itinerary and price, without actually considering how much time you spend on the ship itself. (Hint: A lot.) This particular cruise line caters to experienced, adult cruisers. This does not describe us. You know how when you're out shopping or running errands with all the kids, and they're behaving pretty well, and your patience is completely even keel, and you stop to get lunch, all smug with yourself for having such a great day, and before you even order your three-year-old has taken off her shoes and tossed them under the table and is practicing circus acrobatics off the back of her chair and throwing bread at the table beside you, dashing your perfect parent fantasy? And then you start wondering why you don't drink more? Imagine doing that over and over again for ten days straight. Thank goodness the Senior Agents enjoyed the kids' club area on the ship (aka, glorified babysitting and craft time with an occasional jungle gym) . . . they were there more often than I care to admit. At first I felt bad about it, but I quickly realized I could do little to keep them from being bored out of their minds. Lesson: No matter how much we travel, we still need to do our research. Also, it is possible to have a so-so vacation. I think some people assume if you have the means to travel you should just be grateful for whatever you get. However, not everything turns out like the family in the brochure claims it does. I think if we (and by we, I mean I) had lower expectations going in to the whole thing, it would have made a huge difference. Live and learn.

Momma and Agent A in Ephesus

2. Agent A, of course, stayed with us 24/7. (He was too young for the kids' club, and they didn't offer a nursery, although I don't think I would have taken him there, anyway. He's never been with a sitter in his life.) Mostly he was a pleasant traveler . . . as long as Hubby or I were holding him. He decided about a day or two before we left he'd give that whole separation anxiety thing a whirl. My boy who used to love a ride in the stroller, who would coo happily at strangers, who would be content with his sisters entertaining him while Momma could, oh, I don't know, pee . . . suddenly plastered himself to me or Dad every waking moment. Turned out to be fine though . . . none of our excursions off the ship were stroller friendly anyway, and he enjoyed all the cuddle time so much it almost made up for the fact that my arms about fell off by day three. Almost.

3. About 80% of the people who saw us with Agent A during this trip thought he was a girl. Why? I have no idea. He is a very beautiful baby (not that I am biased in any way) with nice eyes and soft, wavy hair, whom we typically dress in stereotypical blue and gray colors with sports emblems. I'm thinking it must be the hair . . . it just became long enough that the curls he inherited from Hubby's side have started to show. But seriously, when you see a baby dressed in blue sweats with a football on the jersey, do you really think "princess"? Even after we told people his name is Andrew, they would still ask: boy or girl?

4. I used more Italian on this vacation than I do living in Italy. Nothing too complex, just idle elevator chit chat and some basic pleasantries to a few folks we overheard speaking in Italian. Obviously they were northern Italians, who speak much more clearly and with less dialect influence, because I could understand them, even though after being in southern Italy for almost two years I rarely have any clue what people are saying around here.

No vacation is complete without a pigeon chase

5. We did "school" on the cruise (per Agent E's request). She even had a name for it: Cruise School With Mommy. Nothing too intense . . . we looked at maps of the countries we visited, completed related word scrambles and word searches, and even colored some turkeys, as we spent Thanksgiving on the ship. We talked a bit about the places we saw, but from the three-to-five-year-old perspective, it was all about how grubby they could get. Visit to the original Olympic stadium? Running on dirt. Exploring the ancient ruins of Ephesus? Playing in dirt (while climbing on rocks). Touring the catacombs? Rocks, dirt, and water: the trifecta. (Side note: I haven't written much about our home educating adventures lately, but I'm hoping to get back on track with weekly updates soon.)

6. Can I just say how much I appreciate a good buffet line? That pretty much saved us at every meal. We did a few "nice" dinners, but given the attention span of our party, the all-you-can-eat, do-it-yourself, unlimited wonderfulness that is cruise dining became our best friend.

7. We have just a few weeks until our next adventure. This one involves a flight (a blessedly short, direct flight) which I am praying A sleeps through. (Otherwise, I cannot imagine keeping Sir Squirmy on my lap the entire time; he doesn't have a ticket.) I think the Agents will enjoy this trip much better, especially since we have a ginormous surprise for them at the end.

Thanks for reading an have a blessed day.

Ugh

2011-11-29T08:54:00.001+01:00

I haven't been blogging much, partly due to time constraints, but mostly because I have been feeling very overwhelmed with parenting and life in general. I'm hoping to get out of this funk soon.

It doesn't help that we just came back from a ten-day "vacation" that ended up being rather disappointing. I feel on edge instead of recharged.

Ahhhh . . .

Oh, and Hubby is out of town, too.

So, I have declared today Fun Day. We have blankets and pillows all over the living room floor. Agents and I plan to veg out, watch movies, snuggle, and snack (in our pajamas, of course). And turn off the computer. And not think too hard. And just be.

Please leave a comment and share what you do to rescue yourself and your Agents from blah-ness, and I'll be sure to read it . . . tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

The One Where I Disappear

2011-11-15T07:59:00.001+01:00

Our traveling companions

Just a note to let you all know that I will be tumbling off the edge of the online earth again soon. Our family will be doing some traveling at the end of this month and then again before Christmas. Not sure how much writing time that will leave me between now and the end of the year. (For a few musings on past travels, click here.)

We will also be wrapping up our first semester of homeschooling and coming up with a plan going forward. It's been fun so far, and I am excited to continue. (For some ramblings on our experiences to date, click here.)

I will still be writing and posting on Facebook but probably not as often. But I'm sure once January rolls around I'll be newly motivated to compose all sorts of great bloggy stuff. Hope you will join me then.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Gratitude Alphabet

2011-11-13T08:00:00.001+01:00

Thanks to Jeanie at Cup of Joe with Jeanie for this post's inspiration.

A Andrew, my favorite little moose

Top: nonfiction, middle: fiction, bottom: feline

B Breastfeeding

C Cinnamon, our patient kitty

D Dave, super-husband extraordinare

E Eva, my curious and eager student

F Friday night camp outs in the living room

G Grace of God, all day every day

H Homeschooling, more fun than I imagined

I Innocent, sleeping babies

Little Agent J saying hello

J Julia, my adventurous spirit

K Knowing Jesus

L Learning with my kids

M Margherita pizza

N New blue jeans

O Outside play time

P Pedicures

Q Quiet time

R Roomba, best robot ever

S Snuggling

T Traveling with my favorite people

Chatting with the prairie dogs

U Understanding this too shall pass

V Veggie Tales

W Watching the Agents interact with each other

X eXtra writing time in the morning

Y You, wonderful person actually reading this

Z Zoo visit memories

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

The Friend Thing

2011-11-12T14:06:00.001+01:00

Hubby and I took Agent E (along with Agents J and A) to a favorite playground one afternoon last week. Several of her old preschool buddies were there. Ones she hadn't seen in the last few months because of our decision to homeschool. This lead to lots of hugging, giggling, and running about. And a wee bit of Momma Guilt.

E clearly missed her classmates, and had a great time, not surprising given her playground personality.

Then the doubts started: By not sending her to school, am I unfairly limiting her opportunities to be with her peers? Am I denying her something she should be enjoying? Am I preventing her from developing relationships? What about all the fun she had? She missed her friends.

But, hold on just a minute . . . Do children even need friends?

Last month my book rave discussed the first part of Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. A section later in the book, which I will likely muse about in greater detail in the future, talks a lot about friendship and what it means to and for young children.

Agents enjoying a beautiful Saturday

The very concept of friendship is meaningless when applied to immature people. As adults, we would not consider a person to be a true friend unless he treated us with consideration, acknowledged our boundaries, and respected us as individuals. A true friend supports our development and growth, regardless of how that would affect the relationship. This concept of friendship is based on a solid foundation of mutual respect and individuality. True friendship is not possible, therefore, until a certain level of maturity has been realized and a capacity for social integration has been achieved. Many children are not even remotely capable of such friendships.

Until children are capable of true friendship, they really do not need friends, just attachments. And the only attachments a child needs are with family and those who share responsibility for the child. What a child really needs is to become capable of true friendship, a fruit of maturation that develops only in a viable relationship with a caring adult. Our time is more wisely spent cultivating relationships with the adults in our child's life than obsessing about their relationships with one another. (from Chapter 17, Don't Court the Competition, page 244)

So, do I think my children need friends? In short, no. They need security. They need attachments. They need adults who care about them. Friendships, real friendships, will develop in time.

That's not to say the Agents (and Momma) don't enjoy a trip to the playground or a play date with someone other than their siblings every once in a while. We certainly enjoy the company of other families who have similar age children.

I simply don't buy into the whole "but children must to spend time with other kids to turn out okay" bit. That if they don't, they won't be . . . wait for it . . . social. (For some witty, well-written words of wisdom on The S Word, click here, here, or here to see what some of my favorite writers have to say. Or click all three; you know you want to.)

I think what my children need right now is to develop a solid foundation of loving Jesus, enjoying learning, and practicing kindness. Everything else can wait. Even friends.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Versatile Blogger Award

2011-11-08T06:38:00.001+01:00

Jennifer at Little Homeschool on the Prairie passed The Versatile Blogger Award to me!

Agent E on her 3rd bithday

(And I'm a little embarrassed to admit it took me a while to get this post published . . . the days just get away from me sometimes!)

The rules for this award: Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to her blog. Tell your readers seven things about yourself. Share this award with up to 15 other bloggers, and be sure to let the blogs you have chosen know you are passing the award on to them!

7 things about Momma . . .

1. I am always reading at least two books, including the Bible.

2. I do most of my writing very early in the morning, before anyone is awake. (Often prior to five a.m.)

3. I earned a bachelor's degree in psychology, which proves useful in parenting, even though I never worked in the field.

4. I admire people who can stick to a routine, because I usually fail miserably about four days in.

5. I didn't have a reason to get a passport until I was 37 years old. (My son, however, has had one since six weeks.)

6. I cannot understand Twitter to save my life. (But, I still have an account.)

7. I have been pregnant, breastfeeding, or both for just over six years now. So, basically I've been super hungry and lacking sleep since 2005.

Agent J, Christmas 2009

Some great blogs you should check out . . .

2 Sweet Things

Website
Facebook

Cordial Chaos

Website
Facebook

Cup of Joe with Jeanie

Website
Facebook

Mama Raw

Website
Facebook

Agent A and Cinderella

Our Crazy Adventures in Autismland

Website
Facebook

Sprout Schoolhouse

Website
Facebook

The Accidental Natural Mama

Website
Facebook

(As an added "bonus" list of some of my other favorites, check out this post .)

Thanks for reading an have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (14)

2011-11-04T07:46:00.001+01:00

Many thanks to Jennifer for hosting this each week. Be sure to click over to Conversion Diary to see her post and others linked up. These will all be quicker than usual because it's been, um, that kind of week.

1. Trick-or-treating Monday, followed by birthday cake Tuesday, equals way too much sweet going on here and we all could use some detoxing. (Okay, mostly Momma. If it is there, I will eat it. I can't help myself. No control when it comes to chocolate.)

2. Littlest Agent had three nights in a row that he didn't sleep well, so Momma didn't sleep well, either. I think I have totally blocked out what being up at night tending to babies is actually like, because those couple of nights about killed me. Hooray for co-sleeping, otherwise I am sure I would be dead by now.

3. Okay, someone please enlighten me on Catholic Bible Study. A commenter last week pointed it out as a distinction from, well, just regular old Bible study, I guess. Whatever that is. Am I missing something? Is there some super special secret way to study the Word that only Catholics are privy to? (I should probably note that I grew up going to Catholic church, religious education classes, etc. and never once did I open a Bible nor did anyone even suggest it to me as an option. The general message I received was: Catholics don't read the Bible. If there were something in there you were supposed to know about, the Pope would tell you. When I first started reading it on my own as an adult, it was . . . whoa. Probably another post there.)

With my little dragon

4. Agents and I all got flu vaccines this week. Hoping to lessen the chance of repeating last year's two weeks of torture when all three kids had the flu. Of course, I know it's not foolproof, but now I've done something proactive, and that always makes me feel better.

5. E and J like to play games based on various stories they are infatuated with at any given moment; currently it's Pooh and company. They assign each family member a role, and then do some improv. I am almost always Rabbit. Yes, my children consistently make me the most neurotic storybook/cartoon character of all time. I'm not sure what to make of that.

6. I haven't posted on this blog since last Friday's Quick Takes. I've been feeling a bit slacker-ish, but am looking forward to getting out of this funk and putting in some actual writing time.

7. I have also slacked on my weekly homeschooling wrap-ups, but hope to get back on track soon. Those small people require a lot of attention and time.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (13)

2011-10-28T09:01:00.000+02:00

Ooh, yes . . . it's Friday! As always, check out Jennifer's post at Conversion Diary and the other posts linked below hers. If you blog, join us! These posts are quite fun to write (and to read) each week.

1. This is my blog's 100th post. Go, me! I started it back in June 2010, but didn't really write consistently until I created a Facebook page for it in March 2011. Currently I try to post 2-4 times per week. In addition to the 7 Quick Takes fun, I enjoy participating in other blog hops and carnivals as well. (Check out Things I Blog About in the sidebar to see more.)

2. Speaking of blog carnivals, I just joined one this morning, and my post can be found here.

3. I added a new tab to my blog's homepage . . . Bible Reading. I would ultimately like to expand this to include a series of posts about what I'm reading, but for now it's just a list. Do you have a set plan for Bible reading? Follow one of those Bible-in-a-year schedules? Stick with mostly the New Testament? Prefer a Bible study that jumps around to a variety of passages? Just go in order from Genesis to Revelation?

4. Agent E just declared it Jaguar Day. (Tomorrow, if you're curious, has been designated Tigger Day.)

Silly birthday boy

5. Next week the Agents and I are all getting flu shots. We did not get them last year, and guess what? We all had the flu. Not that getting the vaccine is a foolproof way to avoid it. But, I will be totally kicking myself for not doing it in January when we're all holed up in here, feverish and coughing and nauseous. We're going on Tuesday because Hubby is off (All Saints Day is a work holiday in Italy) and I need back-up.

6. Agent A turns one next week! I know everyone always says this, but I seriously cannot believe it's been a whole year. Wow.

7. Today could potentially be a three-post day (a first) if I'm able to get my Weekly Wrap-Up together this afternoon.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

For the Love of Moe

2011-10-28T07:30:00.001+02:00

Welcome to the I Love Me! Carnival!

This post was written for inclusion in the I Love Me! Carnival hosted by Amy at Anktangle. This carnival is all about love of self, challenging you to lift yourself up, just for being you.

Please read to the bottom to find a list of submissions from the other carnival participants.

In the last six years, I gained and lost 40 pounds, and watched my midsection balloon and flatten, three separate times. I have given birth to three babies.

Two-day-old Agent J

My body changed, but it accomplished much. My tummy may be a little stretchier, my hips a little more, um, vast, but it's been a beautiful vessel three times over, and our family is now complete.

What I remember the most fondly of those early, wiggly, newborn days is the time I spent feeding each of them, even when I had no idea what I was doing.

Breastfeeding, more than anything else, forever altered my perspective of my body, my abilities, my calling as a mother. I love that I fed my babies my milk. But I also love that I can reflect that sense of joy to my daughters. I know that when they hear me speak of my body, it's not to disparage or to wish for my old self, but to beam about what great things our bodies can do.

I don't think my girls really remember breastfeeding; they stopped at 3 years and 2 years, respectively. (Something I was never going to do.) But they still have an innate affection of sorts for my breasts. When J sees me with my shirt off, she says, "Mommy's Moe! Two Moes!" (Anyone want to guess what her word for nursing was?) Sometimes E gently pats my breasts when she hugs me, and talk softly to them, like an old friend.

Agent E holding five-day-old Agent A

And of course they witness me caring for their little brother, which includes lots of nursing time. My baby boy turns one this coming week. When their little brother breastfeeds, the girls watch, and ask questions, and imitate with their dolls. When he wakes up in the morning, they greet him with enormous love. When he is sad or hurt, they comfort him (and tell me, "Mommy, he needs some love"). They do these things because they have seen me do them. And for that I am most thankful, and proud.

I love that my girls see and hear me speak of my physical self not in terms of size or shape or weight, but in respect and awe of its purpose. I love that they think Mommy is beautiful as is. I hope they carry these memories with them as they grow into the awesome women I know they will become.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Thank you for reading this post from the I Love Me! Carnival. Please take some time to read the contributions from theother carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by the afternoon of October 28th with all the carnival links.)

The Art of Being Thoughtful – Becky at Old New Legacy likes that she is mostly thoughtful but wants to become more thoughtful. She shares a story that demonstrates that giving gifts doesn't have to be expensive.
I love me (and running)! – Sheryl of Little Snowflakes writes about her new love of running and how it has helped her learn to love herself!
For the Love of Moe – Valerie at Momma in Progress shares her thoughts on a body forever changed, but forever loved.
Where I Find My Worth – Sarah at Parenting God's Children shares how finding her worth in worldly things always falls short.
Oh Yeah, I'm Cool – Tree at Mom Grooves shares her very favorite gift and the thing she most wants to pass on to her daughter.
Loving – Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis talks about some of the things she loves about herself - some easily, and some by choice for the sake of healing.
caught in a landslide – jaqbuncad of wakey wakey, eggs and bakey! shares a list of reasons why zie loves hir body.
I Love Me! - A Rampage of Appreciation! – Terri at Child of the Nature Isle stops waiting for anyone else to tell her she is wonderful and goes on a rampage of appreciation for herself!
Raising Healthy Daughters – In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Kate Wicker offers tips to pass on a healthy self-image to the young ladies in our care.
Unexpected Benefits of a Healthy Pregnancy – How does it feel to have a healthy pregnancy? Dionna at Code Name: Mama discovers that making positive choices can be empowering.
Filling Up Our Watering Cans – Nada at miniMOMist believes that practicing Sabbath is the same as being a gardener who lovingly tends to the flowers in her garden. She needs to fill up her watering can first.
Better Body by Baby – Jess from Mama 'Roo and Family Too! shares how having her first baby makes her feel even more beautiful and confident about her body than ever before.
These Breasts Were Made for Nursing – Becoming a mother helped Mandy from Living Peacefully with Children to embrace her womanhood and improve her self image.
Yeah, I'm Pretty Cool – Amanda at Let's Take the Metro writes about her own self love and how she hopes to foster the same self-respect in her children.
Who I've Become – The future is bright with That Mama Gretchen who shares her past and present perspective on body image and how she hopes to become a change agent with her daughter.
Ever-Evolving Me – Joella at Fine and Fair writes to her daughter about her innate drive to continue learning, growing, and evolving.
I love you for your mind – Lauren at Hobo Mama turns a dubious phrase on its head with a little self-loving slam poetry.
Stop Think of Love with Your Body – Amy of Peace 4 Parents shares an exercise to gradually transition from hating to loving your body - stretch marks, sags, imperfections, and all.
I Love Me! – Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy shares the things that she loves about herself!
First, I'm Superwoman. Later, I'm Supperwoman – Patti @ Jazzy Mama explains how she loves taking care of her amazing body. It birthed 4 children, after all!
Baby Strikes A Pose – Emma from Your Fonder Heart writes about her family's decision not to let their 7 month old model, and uses the opportunity to think more deeply about girls (young and old) and how they determine their self-worth.
Love Your Tree – How do you picture the ways your body and mind change? Amy at Anktangle writes about how trees help her have perspective about her own growth over time.
Pumpkin Butt – Zoie at TouchstoneZ writes about how birth and pumpkins are the way to accepting her body
I do love me – Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about the lessons about loving herself she wants to pass along to her daughter.
Appreciating Who I Am – Linni at An Unschooling Adventure describes the things she likes about herself and the way she appreciates who she is as a person.
I love me! : A journey – Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares her journey on arriving at the point where she can say: I love me!
My Daughter Doesn't Care So Why Should I? – Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama calls herself on the carpet for the image of self love and beauty she portrays in front of her toddler.
Finding out who I am – Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares an exercise that helped her identify positive qualities she possesses, and how that has helped her learn to love herself.

4 Things I Love About . . . (5)

2011-10-25T09:28:00.001+02:00

Look closely . . . all 3 Agents are in this pile

A while back I started posting monthly book raves. I love books and I love to talk (and write) about them, so once a month I share a favorite here, usually one I have read more than once and recommend often because I really love the overall message. (Like the ones in this list.)

I typically post these on the fourth Monday . . . and this is the second month in a row I've waited until Tuesday. And the title of the series is FIVE things I love about . . . and this month I only have four. But my inconsistency is endearing, no?

This month I re-read Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. Every parent, whether your child is six months or sixteen, needs to read this book. Let me say that again.

If You Are a Parent, You NEED To Read This Book.

Not since my first reading of The Baby Book have I experienced such an epiphany. This particular book rave will be done in more than one post. (Yep; it's that good.)

Much of the insight in this book is based on the attachment theory of human development. Part one of the text discusses the idea of peer orientation in relation to contemporary parenting. Following are four points I found noteworthy (I've done some paraphrasing here) along with a quote.

The best part of helping Mommy bake cake

1. Parenting requires the context of a secure attachment relationship to be effective.

Parenting is not a task . . . one more thing for us to do well, one more aspect of our lives to become good at, another rung in our competency ladder. This one hit home for me, given my love of devouring information on raising children. I enjoy reading what experts, other parents, writers, psychologists, etc. have to say. I blog about it, and read similar blogs to see what folks are saying, to learn, to share, to advise, and to (sometimes) commiserate. I want to be a good parent (whatever that is).

However, parenting is not about learning the best technique, the right skills, or the most efficient way to "train" your child. (Don't even get me started on that one.) It's not about researching methods and learning which one suits your family. It's about the relationship you have with your child.

The secret of parenting is not in what a parent does but rather who the parent is to a child. When a child seeks contact and closeness with us, we become empowered as a nurturer, a comforter, a guide, a model, a teacher, or a coach. For a child well attached to us, we are her home base from which to venture into the world, her retreat to fall back to, her fountainhead of inspiration. All the parenting skills in the world cannot compensate for a lack of attachment relationship. (from Chapter 1, Why Parents Matter More Than Ever, page 6)

2. Children need to be oriented to adults, not each other.

Think of orientation as your compass . . . it allows you to get your bearings, it provides guidance, and shows you where "north" is when you get off track or face uncertain paths. The authors use the term peer orientation to describe the situation in which children look to peers instead of parents for this most basic instruction and modeling.

The problem is, you cannot have more than one "north"; the child cannot follow the values of both parents and peers simultaneously. When the natural parent-child orienting relationship is undermined, the impact of peer culture is devastating. Children end up being "raised" by themselves . . . attached to and oriented by each other rather than adults. Children are way too immature to take on this task.

Are we saying that children should have no friends their own age or form connections with other children? On the contrary, such ties are natural and can serve a healthy purpose. In adult-oriented cultures, where the guiding principles and values are those of the more mature generations, kids attach to each other without losing their bearings or rejecting the guidance of their parents. In our society that is no longer the case. Peer bonds have come to replace relationships with adults as children's primary sources of orientation. What is unnatural is not peer contact, but that children should have become the dominant influence on one another's development. (from Chapter 1, Why Parents Matter More Than Ever, page 9)

3. We spend far too much time focused on behavior, and far too little time focused on relationship.

There is a very good reason most "discipline" methods fail: They don't address the real issue. We like to feel like we have taken charge, had a plan, followed through with consequences when things go awry. The problem is, reacting to behavior by trying to do something to encourage or to change it (i.e., rewarding the positive and punishing the negative) is missing the boat. It's never just about the specific thing our child has done or not done. Why can we see this so clearly with other people in our lives but not our own children? I love the following quote more than any other in the entire book because I think it explains this concept so well. It's in response to a parent whose teenage daughter has become distant, rude, overly concerned with privacy, and uninterested in conversation; traditional methods of discipline have proved useless.

Imagine that your spouse or lover suddenly begins to act strangely: won't look you in the eye, rejects physical contact, speaks to you irritably in monosyllables, shuns your approaches, and avoids your company. Then imagine that you go to your friends for advice. Would they say to you, "Have you tried a time-out? Have you imposed limits and made clear what your expectations are?" It would be obvious to everyone that, in the context of an adult interaction, you're dealing not with a behavior problem but a relationship problem. And probably the first suspicion to arise would be that your partner was having an affair. (from Chapter 2, Skewed Attachments, Subverted Instincts, page 16)

4. Our current culture devalues attachment.

I love my sister, I really do

Adult-child attachment relationships don't receive the priority they deserve. Children, sometimes from just a few weeks old, spend a lot of time in each other's company with minimal adult contact. Parents are likely to choose a child care provider or educator based on economics and recommendations from other adults, without any consideration of how their children may or may not develop a relationship with the adult responsible for their care. No "collective consciousness" exists that keeps attachment in the forefront of such decisions.

In addition, we separate people into age categories all the time, and have come to see this as normal. Schools group students by age into separate classrooms. Churches usher folks off to toddler rooms, teen centers, and senior groups. Most social gatherings, even those designed as family functions, divide activities into those for adults and those for children. We view multigenerational events at best as quaint, at worst as just plain odd.

In our society, that natural order has been subverted. From a early age, we thrust our children into many situations and interactions that encourage peer orientation. Unwittingly, we promote the very phenomenon that, in the long term, erodes the only sound basis of healthy development: children's attachment to the adults responsible for their nurturing. Placing our young in a position where their attachment and orienting instincts are directed toward peers is an aberration. We are not prepared for it; our brains are not organized to adapt successfully to the natural agenda being so distorted. (from Chapter 3, Why We've Come Undone, page 32)

Next month (Monday 28 November) will be part 2 . . . focusing more on the impact of peer orientation on both our parenting and our children's development. I hope you will join me.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

7 Quick Takes Friday (12)

2011-10-21T09:27:00.000+02:00

This week is so lame that I had to make the parts of this post I usually just add in the way of an introduction without "counting" (i.e., #1 and #2) a part of the list instead. How's that for pathetic?

1. One dozen Quick Takes and counting. Woo!

2. Be sure to check out Jennifer's post over at Conversion Diary, as well as the other great bloggers who have linked their posts. Then stop by her Facebook page and "like" it. While you're at it, stop by my Facebook page and "like" it, too! (Just a suggestion. Ahem.)

3. Last week I wrote about some things on my mind regarding blogging. How do fellow bloggers plan in terms of a blogging calendar, scheduling writing time, limiting online time, etc? I think I need to be more deliberate with when I write, for how long, and the amount of time I spend staring at my laptop. What kind of routine works for you? Do share.

4. Discovered this week that the Halloween costumes we bought for the girls a few weeks ago, thinking we were oh so on top of things this year instead of waiting until 30 October . . . don't fit. They are waaaaay too big. Now I'm trying to decide if I pin/tie them up in some fashion or come up with a new idea. (No; sewing is not an option.) Of course, it will probably be a good thing if they can be fully dressed in jeans and sweatshirts under their dresses, as it will likely be necessary.

Agent C, looking for an escape route

5. Today is library day. It always cracks me up to see the book choices the girls come up with. I select a few based on our homeschooling notes for the upcoming week, and then they each pick 2 or 3 as well. It's always so random . . . I could probably do a whole Quick Takes post on the eclectic pile of books we come home with later today.

6. Curious what you think of this article about the direction/focus of ministries for women. Thoughts? Personally, I agree with most of what she has to say, and have not felt comfortable in these situations since . . . well . . . ever.

7. Okay, so I'm all about questions today, but . . . for those of you who homeschool young children, do you do foreign language? We are studying Italian right now (duh) but I intend to expand to other languages in the coming years. I want my children to be interested in other languages, although right now it's mostly singing songs and learning vocabulary for things around the house. I try to learn a little bit of the language of countries we travel to. (At least enough to exchange basic pleasantries like hello, good morning, please, thank you, excuse me, and the ever popular, "I'm sorry. I don't know much _____. Do you speak any English?") I want the Agents to be exposed to languages at a young age so they can chose later on which one(s) they would like to study more in depth. Any great resources you could pass on?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

Playground Chatter

2011-10-20T15:07:00.000+02:00

After a hiatus for August and September, the Hearts at Home blog hop is back! Be sure to check out Jill's post and the other great bloggers linked below. My posts for previous HAH blog hops can be found here.

Agent E is very much like her Momma. She is a planner. She makes lists. (Yes; at five. Obviously my influence.) She is somewhat (okay, a lot) introverted. Some would probably label her as shy. (Don't get me started on that one.) She is generally quiet in social gatherings until she has a chance to get to know people. Sometimes she cautiously moves behind me when overwhelmed by unfamiliar surroundings.

But when she is at the playground, she is like a dancing butterfly.

Agent E, striking a pose

Eva will walk up to anyone at the playground—adult or child—and start a conversation. Usually it involves introducing her sister and pointing out me and her baby brother sitting nearby. She is clearly comfortable in this environment . . . more than any other. I don't want to stifle this with my own fears and worry so I sit back and watch.

But what about danger? What about predators? What about strangers?

How many "strangers" (a retail clerk, the bus driver, a new neighbor, etc.) do you exchange words with each day? Are these situations dangerous? Are uneasiness around new people and uncertainty in new situations really qualities you wish to instill in your children?

We want to promote a view that the world is a mostly pleasant, safe place. Of course we talk to them about safety. However, we prefer to err on the side of assuming the good in people. (And, yes, I am always Right There With Her to intervene in the rare case that might be necessary.)

What is your child's playground personality?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.

p.s. This will be my last time participating in the Hearts at Home blog hop for 2011. On both the November and December dates, we will be traveling and have limited Internet access. I will be hopping again in January 2012!